The New Me
Left alone with my mind
Troubles that have been left behind
Thoughts in my head make me sad
Issues in my life have been bad
Reclaiming my life
A piece per day
The sadness and strife
Has gone away…
Searching for fun
Truth and ease
Through the endless quest
To find my peace
With a restless mind
And uneasy dreams
I wake up at night
Hearing the screams
My old self
Dying inside
Screaming for help
But I'm trying to hide
The ways of my past
Are gone for good
The new me is the last
I think I'll keep this mood
A contest entry
- A Catch in your breath.. (prewrites allowed) by AngieMae.
490 points, ended January 25, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ace's Rhyming Narrative Contest! by AceOSpades.
850 points, ended April 27, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It doesss rhyme throughout... but you switched rhyme schemes several times. Maybe there was some reason you did this on purpose that I'm overlooking.... but I dunno. Also, when I'm reading poem after poem for this contest, the amount of times I see "life" rhymed with "strife" makes me want to kill something. Avoid that one if at all possible. For content, everything works well, I'd suggest you try and work in a better punchline.. what you have now isn't bad, but you can probably come up with a more clever or emotional ending to it.
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Some of the rhyme was forced, but the emotion was solid. Thanks for the entry.
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