Resilient / Haiku
watch the blade of grass
like a woman’s broken heart
it springs back for more
Author notes
Definition of Haiku may be found on my catagory page.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Hi,first:you definition about Haiku,for me it was interesting and I will write it down,also,the AP class for Haiku has other changing definition,a little confusing.you have written a Haiku I like.Somewhere very touching!well done! sincerely
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I love the use of simile with this beautiful imagery....
I really enjoyed how you described the blade of grass' resilient nature. On a windy day, each and every blade of grass springs back for more in every direction. Fantastic!
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sweet metaphor that you have used here...but just one question:
Why does...or how does a blade of grass spring back for more???and lyk...um...more of what???sorry...but other than that...WOHOOW...well done...{again!!!!} -
dang
ok this is so true and makes me feel like a fool and I wish I would not rhyme in my comments lol its scary haha I do it by accident but this is amazing sweet metaphor -
welcome
welcome to our haiku contest. you have some wonderful material for a haiku here; i'm just not sure it is quite ready yet. but i think it would improve greatly with a little bit of revision.
i enjoyed reading your notes on haiku. there are important guidelines for haiku that you did not mention - and that is that haiku use images, rather than statements and that they do not use poetic techniques such as simile and metaphor; also they do not have titles.
we usually put the first line of our haiku in the subject line in lieu of a title. it's not fair on the other contests to put in a title because that offers the readers extra information.
your haiku contains a simile and i frown on that in our contests. usually in true haiku the last line can SHOW a comparison or contrast of image. it does the same work as a simile or metaphor, but it is a more subtle way of doing it.
i'm puzzled by your final line. what does the blade of grass spring back for? more what?
i hope you don't mind my honest comments,
myron. -
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I apologize, I was just having fun. I enjoy my poetry; I'll withdraw and shan’t bother you again. I plan to leave the definition on my category page as I write in all styles so please refrain from visiting my page. Amera
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OK, sorry
HI Amera - i'm sorry to hear that my comments have caused you to withdraw this poem from our contest. i didn't mean to upset you or your friends, but i do know that my honest comments in our workshop contests sometimes have this effect.
i quite liked your haiku; i just felt it didn't conform with the guidelines that we set up in our contests.
there are many different ways to write haiku and your example here is one of them.
all the best with your writing.
with apologies,
myron.
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Promise...sing
Sharpened [s]words fall flat,
heart she art...fully pulses
from tatami mat ...
Poetical rules
should be ingrained then ignored -
only the heart schools
Floating world pillow
words watch gaijin characters
enough fluff billow -
Welcome to our haiku contest/workshop:
A nice haiku about nature and the emotions within a woman:
watch the blade of grass
like a woman’s broken heart
it springs back for more
You have written an interesting traditional haiku, is there an image you could use in L2 to show an image for the "woman's broken heart?" You also do not need a title for your haiku.
A very thought provoking haiku, thank you so much for your entry. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Susie -
Liked that last line in this haiku -. a turn around that haiku need to have. Liked the message as well.
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I really like the sense of "resilience" you have drawn in this haiku, and the spring-back image of a blade of grass.
I'm no expert on this form by any means, but my only suggestion might be to suggest in something of an image that might be seen of the broken-hearted woman, to relate that same resilience. Maybe "she reaches to me again," but not certain as to how personalization words such as she and me are construed in this form either.
All-in-all, I really did enjoy the read of this haiku, and wish you much luck in the contest!
Jo -
Fantastic!
This is wonderful work hun,
Beautiful word use and great flow!
traditional and masterful,
what more can be expected from the talented Amera!
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Well Done!!!
I love this haiku, it is very true and I like how you have writen it, capturing the imagination.
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Nicely peened haiku. Lovely word useage, good break and strong connectiom. Haiku done the traditional way.
Lovely meaning!
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