Once when I was little
dad wrapped his hand around mine,
helped me write mom’s get well card.
Years later
he wrapped his arms around my own,
we hit a baseball to the stars.
By far the best
when dad’s feet were under mine,
for a few minutes we were Rogers and Astaire.
Father God, my prayer's not different,
please wrap Your hand over mine;
write what I cannot
words to remove needles, razors
even guns from desperate hands.
Then wrap your arms around mine,
that I may embrace those I never would;
the poor, undesirables of life,
so they too can reach for the stars.
For myself, I ask rather selfishly,
let me put my feet over yours, Father
so wherever your Spirit sends me
I can go there dancing.
Author notes
Option #2
In a list
A contest entry
- Options! by BittersweetPhantasm.
450 points, ended January 17, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Phenomenon #2 by Ryno.
300 points, ended February 9, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lift Me Up Father God by debilynn.
600 points, ended March 5, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
wonderful! thank you for entering
-
I love the way how the poem evolved from your being a girl to your adult state ...love the softness and emotions that put into this piece...wonderful just wonderful !!!
-
HOW ALMOST CHILDLIKE,THE POEM BEGINS WITH MEMORIES OF THE PAST,NOW A MATURE WOMAN SHE USES THE SAME SYMBOLS OF AFFECTION AND LOVE TO BE A MATURE PRAYER FOR THE NEEDY,TROUBLED AND BROKEN, AND ALSO HER ARMS AROUND THE WORLD AS SHE REMEMBERED HER DADDY'S ARMS AROUND HER.....SO LIKE YOU POET....THAT GENTLE SELFISH NATURE...THAT WINS THE HEARTS OF THE READERS
-
Lovely
A lovely piece that speaks to your spirituality. Great flow and form. A captivating write. Great work and good luck in this contest.
Bunny
-
I really enjoyed this. Very religious, soft and elegant. Great flow, form and concept. Thanks so much for entering, I enjoying getting tastes of good work like this from time to time. Keep your pen!
~Ryan~ -
I enjoyed this yet wonder if selfishness is the right word... still this peice for the dualism it represents contains such truth, that the ideas behind god and the subconscious mind are programed in a learning, growing, child like mind. Learned to expand our horizons through the child which comes out of all of us in our moments of brilliance, where our higher self acts true and so applaud the insight
-
Carly this is a beautifully written plea to the man upstairs, to pray for strenght and insight, and grace, I do it every day , without him we are nothing, Gods gift to us is our intellect we shoudl use it to honor him
-
This is so touching and embraces not only your life and memories but humanities face as well. If only more were like you dear poet and reached out to wrap their arms around the world, it may stand a chance. Thank you.
-
An imaginative prayer
The last verse is very well thought-up, as is the whole poem, if I am honest. Clever you. Best of luck in the contest.
-
Awww, I love it! Beautiful imagery. This reminds me of Psalm 139:1-5.
-
wow
I love this! It's so true. I've prayed things very similar to this myself. I really liked when you asked to stand on God's feet- it makes me smile, but I love what you're asking for as well. Thanks to Karen Layne for pointing it out to me! I pray that your prayer will come true for you- for all of us. God bless
-
OH! I love this! what amazing imagery and the sentiment expressed is pure, heartfelt, and nearly heartbreaking. I have often prayed a portion of this prayer...I love the line "Then wrap your arms around mine,
that I may embrace those I never would;" may God bless such a prayer, and like Jabez, increase your property and sucess in this world.
-
I am not one for relion, yet this is a very moving poem.
I would have to say that the last stanza was by far my favorite in the whole poem;
And for myself I ask rather selfishly,
let me put my feet over yours, Father
so where ever your Spirit sends me
I can go there dancing.
That is an amazing way to look at life.
No matter where you go and what ever life may give you while your there, at least enjoy the moment dancing.
Thank you for sharing such an amazing voice!
~Shatter Box
-
emotive
this piece is quite emotive - i like the connection between your dad and Father God. i especially like the last two verses:
Then wrap your arms around mine,
that I may embrace those I never would;
the poor, the undesirables of life,
so they too can reach for the stars.
And for myself I ask rather selfishly,
let me put my feet over yours, Father
so where ever your Spirit sends me
I can go there dancing.
i'm not a religious person at all but i still enjoyed reading it.
well written and good luck -
I'm not particularly spiritual or religious but this still appealed to me. The message is delicate and intimate.
-
Ohhhhh Wonderful
Carly this is one of the best pieces of yours I have read. it sings of the wonders of the Father, of gentleness and of his almighty wonder and an willingness ony your part that is complete. Amazing write. Thnk you for sharing.
*Go with God* my friend,
Valerie
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
