You held me like fine words all in one line
Oh I should’ve known not to play with such beautiful love
A fine oak tree on dawn’s sidewalk you waited
As your eyes dreamt to see my sweet lily facade
I did a waltz behind the woods of bark trees
Tip-toping to the joy with many beautiful love
And then my grin spoke “I’m in need of ONLY HIS touch”
The touch of a gentle fall upon my tanned arms
My hair flew like a brown summer’s dress
as it spoke to the mild wind, “Oh love don’t leave!!!”
As I watched my only love walked away
“Oh I should’ve known not to play with such love!!!
I should've of known their is only one”
And then I watch my soul, as it got up and walked
too
such true love it was
In a list
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Comments
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cool
I agree 100% with zestydreamer's comment
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Well done. I like how you referred to your soul as a seperate entity, like it was just sitting next to you and then it got up and walked away. It suggests that the soul has a great deal of fragility and can be stolen or broken fairly easily. Thank you very much for entering, and best of talent in the contest!
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imagery
great fantastic awesome (sorry for being redundant) smooth imagery. flows great.
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I'm a sucker for nature metaphors! Great piece and thanks so much for entering!
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This is a lovely write. Humm, wow. You never cease to amaze me
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man i feel the same as you....but i don't even know how to start to tell her
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Very Good
beautiful, flows well, and great use of metaphores. liked it alot, - Jacen an IndividualEleven. -
Pretty =) My favorite line was "My hair flew like a brown summer’s dress" I really liked the playfulness of it with "waltz" and "tip-toping"
my one critique is that I dont think the title fits...But I guess as long as it works for you than keep it.
Thanks for your comment on my poem. It got a bronze trophy so thats nice =)
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