stars venture tonight
glittering in deep blackness--
celestial ball
In a list
A contest entry
- Options contest :) by ForgottenMemories.
1220 points, ended October 14, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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Aha...
How I love a sky full of stars!
A fine write with a great gathering. 
When the stars 
twinkle they do seem to dance. 
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I see you really struggled with this one The final version is excellent. Thanks so much for entering my haiku contest. It's a pleasure reading your fine work
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Wonderful! Makes me want to go outside and look up. That picture: is that the seven daughters of Atlas clustered together?
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Yes, it is!
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i very much like the last line. it encompasses the entire image very well in addition to your beautiful words. great job and good luck in the contest!
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wow such a beautiful haiku! the stars are just amazing, and I think you have really captured the way they feel in their magnificence. absoloutly amazing write!
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck
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"stars venture tonight
glittering in deep blackness--
celestial ball" wow! just WOW!!! that was sooooo good!!! I really enjoyed reading this piece!! a beautifully written haiku!!! the background is really good as well!!! thank you sooooo much for entering!! excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!
-Steve- -
I love this piece, so very different in it's approach, well written
I thank you for taking the time to enter this contest and wish you the very best of luck
Karen -
Of all the poems on the heavens I read, this was unique. Not only is it a haiku, but there is really no cliche in it. Great job and good luck!
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AH LOVE THE ENDING
ending is definately cool I give you cuudddoooozzzzz lmso lol not coodiez but yes very sweet right Im tired tho so this is jumbled lmso -
I see a vision in this haiku, but as Poetryality it's the hook that counts. This piece is powerful and may sneak up on you if your not careful... Thanks for sharing it with me and good luck in the contest...
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it wasn't many words but it's meaning was strong
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Haiku's may be the shortest form of poetry but in my experience they can sometimes be the most difficult. I think the hook is to allow the reader to see the images without ever having to know exactly what they are seeing. I mean to say, without the words that say exactly what they are. LOL As is edited, this haiku is one where I can see the "celestial ball" the stars have in the sky. I also believe that haikus are written with the simplest words and do not use metaphors or similes. At least that's what I've been taught by myron and azure This is great! I love the night sky. Best wishes in the challenge.
Much Love ♥
Reneé
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Haikus are a pain. Myron and Azure having been trying to help, but I still can't seem to get it.
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Not to worry! You are not alone. LOL
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I really liked this good luck in the contest
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night
stars come out to glisten
in the midnight sky
OR
stars venture tonight
glittering in deep blackness--
celestial fun
Thank you for entering our contest. I am not sure which version was the first and which one was the second, but I defintely like the bottom one much better than the top one. But as myron previously stated, it does seem to personify. Is there another word you could use in the last line rather than fun??? Just some ramblings of an old man thatyou can use if you wish. -
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ok i changed it. I changed fun to ball. I hope it works. Ball as in I'm having a ball, a good time.
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The last three lines are a beautiful representation of night-time. The last line particularly sheds a completely different light on the way stars live, making them seem almost like humourous gods. . . Great job!
DancingRed. -
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thank you!
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I'm getting into these haiku now!
stars venture tonight
glittering in deep blackness--
celestial fun
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I don't get it. I mean I get it, but I don't get it. If that makes any sense lol!
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Welcome to our haiku contest/workshop:
I see you are following myron's advice about revision, and this is wonderful.
night
stars come out to glisten
in the midnight sky
Oh, I will be watching to see the comments. It is a lovely theme, of the sky at night.
Thank you for entry and good luck in the contest.
Susie -
much better
hi - good to see you working away at this one. this revision is much better, although i still have some concerns about it (Oh no, not again! sorry!).
because you have midnight sky in your final line, it makes your first line redundant. also, stars don;t play - that's using personification and we frown on that in this contest. what is it the stars actually do?
so far you have this:
stars come out
in the midnight sky
.............
now you just need another image for your final line. i hope you persevere with this.
best wishes,
myron.
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how about this:
night
stars come out to glisten
in the midnight sky
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