I feel you so away
From me now,
Don't know what happened,
But slowly,
Very slowly,
You have changed...
You don't stare at me
With those lovely eyes anymore,
And say everything you feel
With just one look...
I've lost my trust in you,
I really doubt if you
Could have betrayed me,
My heart is really hurting,
My tears drop faster,
And my body
Slowly becomes nothing,
My soul flies to
When everything was different,
When your love filled my life,
And a smile was still in my face,
And my heart was still beating...
And I cannot believe,
You don't love me anymore.
A contest entry
- Dark Or Depressing Take 2 -No prewrites this time- by Poet-of-the-shadows.
700 points, ended February 7, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Depressing...Please enter by XHollowXEyesX.
700 points, ended April 6, 2007, 119 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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this is an amazing poem. I am actually speechless over what to write. it is like you took my feelings out of me and put them to paper, its scary. you wrote this with such talent and natural flow.
great write.
thanks for entering and goodluck -
well written and i like this alot, i could feel the pain in every line. you did a great job with keeping it flowing from each line, but i don't think this fits the topic for my contest. i don't see what your secret would be or what you regret is. but feel free to send me a message if you disagree
Good Luck
*unchained* -
Nice! I really liked the ending lines:
"My soul flies to
When everything was different,
When your love filled my life,
And a smile was still in my face,
And my heart was still beating...
And I cannot believe,
You don't love me anymore."
Keep up the good work, and good luck in my contest!
-Sally -
Painfuly Beautiful
Please continue to write , and good luck in my contest -
great!!
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wow that was really good. it made me remember the pain of loss. it is always hard to lose someone you love and yet seeing from another persons perspective makes that pain no less painful. this was a great write. keep writing.
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i think this is a little bit of the typical lost love HOWEVER the flow and word use is wonderful and and the pain and emotion is screaming from this write as alot of lost love poems lack, so that is what sets it apart from the typical ones. so what im actually trying to say is i did like this write it brings up attempting to forget pains which i know only to well.
keep up the great work!
~Haunted~ -
i really like this poem and i think that it expresses feelings of lost love very much. i enjoyed this poem and i think you are a great writer. keep up the good work.
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I like the way this flows onto each next line, the pace is fast but you convey your feeling of emptiness. I felt your despondent sorrow upon reading this.
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This is great, filled with emotions and has a great flow. I love how you these stanzas
"My soul flies to
When everything was different,
When your love filled my life,
And a smile was still in my face,
And my heart was still beating..."
The soul leaves the body to avoid the pain. I have found this to be true at times. Great write thank you for sharing this. -
it is somewhat depressing, i surely wouldn't want that to happen to me, great job on the emotions and relaying them well. - Jacen an Individualeleven.
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.This is an exceptionally well-written with wonderful flow that adds greatly to the power of your words. I wish i could in my own words tell you how great this piece is without having to borrow from others.What an intricate piece, if it doesn't get you to stop and think, and be a little philosophical, then i think you missed the point.
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