I try to picture it, I try to see
but heaven seems so far from me.
Shards of hell are all around,
in this place that I am bound.
Demons cackle in my ringing ears
just reinforcing all my fears,
that nothing good will ever come.
It makes me hollow, makes me numb.
They taint my vision, blind true sight,
so all my world is dark as night.
The bitter taste of hatred’s touch,
has me in it’s wicked clutch.
Flesh and bone and suffering too.
All is pain with in my view.
Sorrow and heartbreak here in me,
as waking nightmares are what I see.
Inhale a journey, exhale the pain
as I search for that next plane.
What ever peace I find within
helps me to live here in my skin.
A calming mind does see clear
through the hate and through the fear.
Through the dark and evil night
a blessed, beautiful, glorious light.
If my steps turn down that way,
and go past the black and gray,
finding myself in purest white,
will heaven then be in my sight?
A feeling of warmth and eternal peace,
where chaos would perpetually cease.
A love that could not be explained,
like none that had ever been obtained.
Only then can I look and see,
this view that had eluded me.
What once was lost this seeker finds,
that heaven can be a state of mind.
A contest entry
- Give me your very best! by Carly Pop.
450 points, ended April 3, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Angels [&&] The Afterlife by Death of the Author.
1200 points, ended May 19, 2007, 40 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - How did you start / Can you remember? Show me ! by tarcus.
600 points, ended January 17, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I'm wondering if you have tightened up the word count in your poetry at all? though nicely written and well expressed i feel you now may be a little more conservative with the wmount of words used
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Awesome write, congrats on your prior honorable mentions. Thank you for entering the contest.
whisper
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Wow this is a great write, I like it an awful lot, well done The flow was pretty much perfect and the rhymes were good too. Good luck in the contest and take care x
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fantasic!
thank you for entering - I think the poem is written brilliantly - the only thing is I know Heaven is a real place and hell is alot worse than anything earth can dish out - but you are a fantastic writer if your other poems are like this! God bless! Carly...
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very refreshing
I try to picture it, I try to see
but heaven seems so far from me.
Shards of hell are all around,
in this place that I am bound.
This was the hook. The very beginning and I was right there to finish it all. Good job with presenting your words I enjoyed reading it as anyone will. Good luck.
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Wow! Really powerful, and a great use of vocabulary. Your rhythm slips up a little in stanzas 6 and 8, but the rest is fine. And some really great rhymes! There was only one that I didn't like 'within, skin'.
A really great message behind this piece, and the poem flows beautifully. Quite long (for this style) but not at all boring.
Thankyou for entering and good luck in my contest. -
Welcome to AllPoetry
Your poem makes a strong statement of the reality that most of us face daily. I love the way you narrowed it down to your ending, placing control of our attitudes back in the hands of the person struggling with them. Happiness is always within our reach, just sometimes we have to work a little harder to see it.
Keep writing and once more, welcome to the site
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I really like the ending to this, its so true heaven can be a state of mind. your poem flowed and ryhmed really well which made it a pleasurable read. Great work.
Shanelle
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