This is the ballad
of Llewellyn Sprott
who bathed once a year
"whether needed or not"
Sartorially challenged
his clothes from the tip
had worrying stains
around every zip
He dined on pork belly
and over ripe stilton
which sported the pile
of a quality wilton
His intake of scotch
was the talk of the village
'twas the only liquid
lacking his spillage
The teeth in his head
were a fearsome sight
and comprised every colour
except, of course, white
The breath of a buzzard
came at one in waves
redolent with all the
pickles he craves
His beard it grew down
to his gnarled, ugly knees
and under his nails was
a kind of blue cheese
The texture and wealth
of the rheum in his eyes
was likened to jelly
found in pork pies
The love of his life
was the skunk that he grew
which ensured that his hovel
had a street value
And the nicotine stains
left a yellowish tan
oh, indeed, Llewellyn
was a noisome old man
Author notes
'Llewellyn' - you know who you are!!!! Based on a real person, I assure you.....
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Good Good Good
You make me laugh and laugh. A great bit of verse. Not sure about your friends tho'. Would like to observe Llewellyn.......from a distance!
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This is about my 'stepfather' - no friend i assure you. He died a while back and has been transmogrified (cheers mum) from being the curse of the village to being canonised in one fell swoop... I, however, still speak the truth!! ha! x chills aka deb
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Bathing once a year is certainly not really very Welsh. After all, what do you imagine Caerphilly cheese is traditionally made from? Smegma of course. I can't believe I just wrote that.
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Aw fuck - and I just had that on a couple of crackers.....
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Bathed once a year, sodding poof! He sounds like a few people I know in Cardiff. Well, I don't know anyone really, even my family don't bother with me anymore but you know, I didn't want to put a downer on things. The dead are my friends.
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You are such a hotty!! Get round here now and I will scrub your back!!
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yup yup yup
and more yup.
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Could this be based on a real person who lives somewhere in welsh Wales?
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nice
fun readingreading -
And me just had ma tea an' a' !
Step forward Llewellyn
And take your applause
Your chest should be swellin'
I think it's because
The cheese that you're eating
From under your nails
Will make every meeting
Be greeted by gales
'Tis not gales of laughter
I mock not my friend
But windy disaster
From your hinner-end
Ken him? Kent his faither! (ancient Scottish witticism). Actually, in this case, I think I may have met a doppelganger. What's that in Welsh, by the way?
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That's a very handsome wee sporran you be sporting the day. Hope the two upward pointing swords not too uncomfy ya braw wee boy. xx Kent him too xx but luckily, not his father..... My father liked Jaeger suits and cashmere sweaters. Dada was a tall smart polite and handsome Scot, albeit with a wee bit of a temper..... Not in the least like the horrid Llewellyn, apart from the temper (but mum will never see the truth.......) xx
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I'm not Welsh so I've no idea if they have the concept of doppelganger but, Keith, I kid you not, this is not too wide of the mark as a description of a certain person of my acquaintance..... he actually keeps a bucket beside his sofa to save him a trip to the lavvy......... (stomach heaving stuff) xx debs
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Whao!
Damn! This is good! Reminds me of a cross between of Uncle Ernie and Aqualung. Yes, there are definitey people like this out there. Very amazing write!
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How so very disgustingly real!!!!
This is as grungey as it may ever get ....hopefully, and no more so!!! My God, I couldn't stop laughing, as his cleanliness skills are at an all time low!!!!
I loved the original descriptions of such a Linus type character, though more real than any cartoon strip, very funny that you've placed his predicament within the confines of a Ballad!!!! Witty & very Smart How You've acheived this!!!! Brilliant x A Million!!!!!!
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