The hermit crab scuttles on clickety toes,
Scouring the reef for an elusive prize,
Eternal conch; whispering echoes.
Brandishing fronds, in seduction expose
A magnificent, spiralled disguise…
The hermit crab scuttles on clickety toes.
Quick as a flash in the ebbs and flows
He plunders the booty, crab-wise, slant-wise.
Eternal conch. Whispering echoes.
Over the reef; through rugged porticos,
Oyster-pearl moonlight and crimson sunrise,
The hermit crab scuttles on clickety toes.
But on the horizon a Southerly blows,
And begets a tempest to pulverize...
Eternal conch whispering. Echoes.
Thrown up on the sand, the empty shell glows,
To mourn at its leisure, unspoken goodbyes.
(The hermit crab scuttled on clickety toes)
Eternal conch whispering echoes.
Author notes
Villanelle
A contest entry
- Good poems by luther amy1.
450 points, ended January 14, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest for sonnets and villanelles only. by ecrivain01.
425 points, ended October 7, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Great Villanelle by Victory Gin.
3150 points, ended November 21, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I love the ocean and thought this poem had some great content and creative images but music-wise the poem was a little off, most notably in the second refrain where the feminine rhyme destroyed the balance of its relationship with the first refrain. In spite of a few other metrical problems the poem was quite catching, but the Villanelle, foremost, is a song and must not attempt to trick the ear however brilliant the content might be. Nonetheless, I enjoyed this poem's flair and thank you for entering.
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Very nice ...
but, the words "Eternal" and "seduction" seem very odd for a poem like this. I'm like to know why you used those words? "Eternal" is not a word I'd associate with an ephemeral lifespan such as a crab, or even a human for that matter. Anyway, not bad overall. Thanks for entering.
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A very smart villanelle!
I love the poem and water background! Very good choice... this villanelle, for writing about such a creature! 
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WHAT A WONDERFUL POEM !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi, Your poem was such a pleasure to read. CONGRATULATIONS on winning the Silver. It so deserved to be with the winners. Take care, Sandy 
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This was a good poem. I really enjoyed it and this actually brought back memories of my childhood watching the hermit crabs trailing the beach at night.
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Wonderful, I love to watch the crabs on their clickety toes... I just love this form, can't write it myself, but hey, I love reading it.... kind of drifted through this one... thanks for showing me the beauty
Karen -
I agree with EarthtoJim, this one reads well. It's like a tiny patch of the Great Barrier Reef and the life cycle of the hermit crab. Another masterpiece, Lou.
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Wowser!
This should lend itself beautifully to one of your public readings. You really fine tuned the smooth-as-silk meter in this. My gosh, I'm reading this to a very haunting sort of New Age / Smooth Jazz selection off the Higher Octave label -- hang on a sec., let me get more specific info... aHa! It's a song called "Sky's beyond" by a group called Nightengale. Mmmm... voluptuous aural texture for reading poetry!
Another best wish for a first place winner.
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