romance died two days
after a wedding,
killed on a selfish drunk,
a negligee never used
made the morning’s trash
and she marveled
at his audacity to act pompous
as if she were the one
not worth marrying
he was wrong… right?
something moved among her heart pieces,
separated the pink fallen-in-love piece
from the red part
shifted it to the black part
where it adhered
hatred sprouted
self-hatred
the nightie, still on its’ hanger
was spread atop the garbage can
the sky blue, the sun newly arisen -
the dew really did resemble diamonds
and against the white picket fence
passed out and snoring
was her brand-new husband
she had lost her pink blush
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
I love this...
-
-
thank you
-
-
i hope i can write like this when i get older.
very good write. -
-
thank you
-
-
this is indeed a great write, I can understand where you come from because I grew up with an alcoholic mother so this poetry made much sense to me. Very heartfelt thank you for sharing
-
nicely done, I think you painted a very vivid picture, although a sad one. I love your use of color. I was wondering why the lack of punctuation...not that it matters, but in the last stanza specifically, if there was punctuation to pause there could be greater effect..just my opinion though
-
This touches a chord within me.
Feelings personal to me seem to have
been penned by you, which gives me
some kind of tingle in my spine.
I love the imagery of the husband
against the white picket fence.
All in all, a beautifully written,
captivating poem.
Thank you.
-
oh....very interesting... yet I really like it... you have to read the whole thing to understand it all but very well done.... I know a lot of people that this kind of thing has happened to... I like how she dealt with it.... I like the title and how you dont really understand it until the end. Keeps you interested to see where you got it from... again very well done...
-
This was very unique. I had to read the poem a couple of times but I really enjoyed it and I could feel the emotions in it.
Kari -
You have such an inventive style! Very unique and quite refreshing! There is such an amazing power in the imagery you have woven into this piece - so very surreal. I really enjoyed this... It made me stop and think. That is something that really makes for a fantastic read. To slow down, and enjoy something fresh and vivid.there is no doubt you are in control of your pen and know just where to take us. Great piece!
-
<3 I loved it. It was heartfelt, emotional, and very beliveable. I loved how within this story, and its conflicts you threw in the self doubt. It was my favortie part of this poem.
"as if she were the one
not worth marrying
he was wrong… right?"
Loved those lines for that reason, along with
"
hatred sprouted
self-hatred
the nightie, still on its’ hanger
was spread atop the garbage can
the sky blue, the sun newly arisen -
the dew really did resemble diamonds"
<3katie -
hi, i think this is a good, powerful poem.i like the reference to the "pink blush", nice imagery all round and very well written.well done,
kind regards,
floorboards.
-
This was interesting. The first stanza had me thinking that he was killed by a drunk driver, but it lead where I didn't expect it to.
Unfortunately, many of the signs of alcoholism can be hidden from loved ones until it's too late. I hope that, if this is a true write, you're able to pick up the pieces and get him the help he needs.
-
OWE! Really there's nothing more self assuring than having a spouse who's an alcoholic. Bloody sharp! I loved how this poem began, two days after the wedding. Symbolising the broken romance with the negligee in the trash can was brilliant, word usage furthering the effect of self/spousal loathing. So much could be said about this poem.
Is it a life sentance for this woman who hates herself over the drunk, or is there hope for a better life? From the sounds of it, the honeymoon is over, permanently none the less.
my only question regarding this poem is, what does the pink blush represent.
Very Vived and well written poem, this is one of my favorites now.
-Mal
-
-
the 'pink blush' refers to a 'blushing bride', which the subject no longer is
thank you for your comment
-
-
well you landed me smack dab in this middle of this moment i liked the stanza about the black and pink heart pieces. what an original way of showing a scarred and /or blackened heart...
and the ending leaves one wondering in which direction the subject will go...
good writing
-
Oh. This is an interesting poem that you have here. I wasn't sure where you were going with this first but now it makes perfect sense. It's sad that these kinds of things happen but I guess that love is blind. I think that you did a good job of expressing that.
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
