As my backyard mourns the passing-
the vanquished shed
lament's the love they shared;
the season has changed, and broken their hearts.
Cars, parked, a funeral march-
the wind's returned
to blow out autumn's flame;
an elegy plays, as autumn departs.
As the raindrops lash my window-
the houses stand
like soldiers set in stone;
the season has changed, and shattered their hearts.
Cars, parked, a funeral march-
the wind's returned
to blow out autumn's flame;
an elegy plays, the funeral starts.
A contest entry
- Fading Art Work Redeem(600 points) need really good writers by inkedsnow.
600 points, ended February 23, 2007, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silver To Gold- For Trophys That Shine Members Only by Mercury Rising.
600 points, ended July 24, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Your Poems Are Belong To Me by Samantha Amergirdol.
1000 points, ended September 6, 2007, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry.....Autumn by SandraMVeinot.
425 points, ended November 26, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INSPIRE ME TO WRITE AGAIN by forever dreaming.
1500 points, ended October 4, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This is your contest not mine, no restriction what so ever. by nerd42189.
550 points, ended October 23, 2007, 61 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite? by Melissa Gayle.
600 points, ended September 23, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES ONLY by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended September 28, 2007, 117 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Change of Season - 100 entries I'll give out 2050 Points 56 more to go by Florida Sunshine.
625 points, ended October 5, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 51 of 51
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wow for a poem about the seasons, this sure is sad
but very creative and nicely done. best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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I see I have commented on this poem before in a previous contest of mine but just wanted to let you know I have read it again and still love this piece of very creative writing. Thank you for taking the time to enter it again in one of my contests.
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The two stanzas 'cars parked' and 'as the raindrops' are strong stanzas. They're not strong enough to be repeated they way they are.
I do think if you added another stanza, three could be enough for the piece. It's a beautiful description of the changes of the season and I'm glad I got to read it. -
This pulls you in from the start as your drawn into the season of winters change. What I enjoyed most is the way you actually bring feeling to inadament (sorry for the spelling) objects. I enjoyed the repeating stanza you left me wanting more though...
Nice job overall ~ Thanks for entering my contest ~ good luck to you! -
This was very well written especially for a sad ocasion. I like the repetition It keeps bringing everything back to the central point.
Thank you for your entry. Good Luck in the Contest -
very good
a sad occasion with lots of drama
i like the repetiton
"Cars, parked, a funeral march-
the wind's returned
to blow out autumn's flame;
an elegy plays, the funeral starts"
for sure, the scene is being played out time and time again
your reference to the season has changed
hearts shattered
is so poignant
as life will never be the same again
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This is a force filled piece of art.... I like the imaginary, but reading it make me sad.... That's not because their's anything wrong. That's because it makes things so vivid, it brings back memories. Very good work!
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I like this, Its powerful with more meanings than one,truly beautiful and powerful,thank you for sharing.
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this is good i love the imagery and the use of the seasons and the metaphor used like the soldier one i just love that line great job and best of luck. Thanks for entering my very first contest. congrats on being a finalist.
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I really like this one Alex. I love how you compare the changing of the seasons to a funeral. Awesome write!!! Great imagery. But that is alweays expected when I read your poems. You take care, Sandy
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It may be about the passing of autumn, but there is nothing simple in the music and artistry you've created here, especially with the variation on repetition in the last 6 lines. You've captured a moment of awareness that passes all too quickly.
Nice work with extended metaphor.
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Thanks a lot for your great comment,
very much appreciated,
Floorboards.
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forgot to leave you some of these...
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i love the ideayou have put to us here with the death of one season and rebirth of another....very nicely written poem here....
thank you for entering it here...
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This is a very beautiful piece with great depth to it. Absolutely wonderful, so far my favorite of all your entries. An amazing write, well done!
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Metaphorically speaking, I believe this is one of your best. I'm sorry to say that I am deleting this contest but I wanted you to know that I am very impressed with this one.
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Well Done!!!
Nicely written....good job...I wish you the best of luck in the contest. By the way you are a very talented poet, keep writing, you were born to do this. -
It's a very sad thing to leave something behind, but soon we will come to it oncemore... Whatever it is the death of. Love, a season, a year or a time in the life... It call all be revisited, in some way or other.
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I love the metaphor you have used throughout this poem, using thre funeral as the end, the death of autumn was very powerful. The languge you have used is simple yet it flows with grace and a real sense of longing. Despite its apparent sadness I really liked this poem. It really gave me something to think about. Well written. Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest and good luck.
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like it
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This may simply be about autumn passing, but the mood you have presented with a metaphorical tone, makes one really think and feel death, which is probably why so many are reading into it more than you have chosen. It is beautifully written, poet.
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ah nice and metaphorical... funeral of someone being dead and also thus the seasons changing and the past being buried... I liked this as it has many different interpretations waiting to be taken but it depends on which one you choose to take, which depends itself on what your personality is like.
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Thank you for submitting yourself to my review. This is a well written poem. I see from your comments that you wrote this only about the passing of the season. On reading through the poem, I can understand how people could think it was written about a person in the autumn of their life. I am not sure what you could change in the poem that would dispel this. If I were you, and someone comments about the metaphors, I would just smile and say thank you. This will leave them thinking that you are a fantastic poet with a brilliant mind. That can't be bad. Can it?
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I'm sorry but I'm going to have to remove this from my contest. It is not a concrete poem.
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Dark yet wonderfully worded and metaphorically magnificent.
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Thank you for your contest submission as well as for following the rules. Well I have to admit i too would have seen this as much more than simply autumns passing, for it seems to scream otherwise. Funny how that happens at times. Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors. Hetohke'e *
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Thanks for taking the time to enter this contest. Best of luck to you.
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I really like the very descriptive way you used to sketch this... absolutely beautiful and sad. well done!
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This is an interesting poem, but I like it. I also like how you used alot of imagery here. ^^
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a very good poem indeed, i love the imagery and ideas you have put together. thank you very much for your entry, and good luck in both this contest and the others it is entered int
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Really nice imagery here.
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very good
thank you for entering this rather strange but interesting write i think it is about the dying season but i could be wrong,even so i did enjoy it and thank you for sharing ,good luck in the contest
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You could have pulled the (wool)hat over my eyes, even after reading your notes, it seems more about a funeral than autumn approaching. A great poem nontheless!
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SAD
I HAVE BEEN IN THIS SAME SITUATION BEFORE WITH SO MANY OF MY FAMILY PASSING AWAY. IT REMINDS ME OF THE EXACT FEELINGS I HAD WHEN THEY WERE LAID TO REST. THAT IS THE WAY I TOOK THE WRITE. NICE IMAGERY.
POETDONTKNOWIT
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Alex, This is a great poem you did and I thoroughly enjoyed this read. I feel the lament. Good luck in the contest and you get my applause. Keep smiling.
Newbie
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This poem is a fine example of how some people feel at the passing of autumn - myself included. The irony is that the wonderful burst of color is the beginning of the death in trees and shrubs. The blanket that follows covers the remains. Fall is my favorite time of year. I can relate to this poem. Thank you for sharing this. Well done my friend.
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Incredible write. Great imagery.
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Such a lovely piece here....very profound images here for the passing of Autumn.....great job! Enjoyed the read....smiles, Terry
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Very good.
Definatly very well put together, and thought out. Great form and structer.
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wow, i can see why ppl are reading too deep into this it is kind of a depressing feel but you did a great job, i can see where it is fits the passing of autumn, keep it flowing
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nicely written
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As the rain lashes my window
I like how you used the word "lashes" for the rain hitting the window. -
First class
Excellent imagery and tone, Alex--this is what I read poetry for. Very well written.
Bill
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Moving
This is very sad and moving, nobody likes to see a funeral procession. Your words were very solemn and touched my heart. I do hope you haven't had to experience it personally and if so my deepest sympathies for you and yours. Thank you for sharing this with all of us and I wish you the best in the contest. Love and God bless, Joyce 
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ummm -tear-
wow this is really like sad and it has great imagery...i love the way it is conveyed. it is quite intrigueing and im hoping that you just wrote this to write it...and it isn't true...if it is, you know that i am here to talk if you need anything ok?
i really like this poem, and i hope the sadness was only for dramatic purposes.
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Cars, parked, funereal march- funeral
autumns' flame - autumn's flame
a good poem, some slight editing needed. i thank you kindly for entering your poetic piece and good luck to you in this contest - spill ink and twist me into the crazy shape of love...
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Wonderful piece here Drift! I've always enjoyed your work here and am glad to see that you are back! Thanks a lot for sharing this and keep it up.
Jeremy0826
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thank you very much jeremy,
very much appreciated,
floorboards
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Great peice here. Full of emotion and a great choice of descriptive words. I liked this a lot, thank you for sharing.
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Great peice here. Full of emotion and a great choice of descriptive words. I liked this a lot, thank you for sharing.
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I've been a fan of yours since I read your poem in a contest of mine many moons ago. After reading this I still remain a fan
Ruth
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