I have tried to hold sand in my palm,
but it just slips away
I have tried to catch a thunderbird,
but it just flies away
I have tried to stop time,
but it just goes on
I have tried to trace the wind,
but it just sweeps away
I have tried to create my own world,
but someone keeps destroying it
Just like, i have tried to live,
but i just continue to exist
Dont know why
but it just doesnt happen
no matter how hard i try...
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
this is a good poem
simple but it says so much. sometimes life is hars to keep a hold of and it keeps on going with out you. this is really good keep on writing
-
i like this. it gets the point across and doesn't go overboard with the "i try" examples. nice.
-
Something Great happens when we TRY things though; We learn we grow, we experience having attempted it. It take great imagination and i'd also say, great intellect to have attempted these things, if even in your own mind. I'd try again! keep trying, you may never succeed but it's a remarkable feat nonetheless. Inspired, yes. Good, yes.
-
yoda says: do or do not there is no try
-
feeling z same exactly,well one day life'll treat us better n one day we might exactly get what we want just hope n believe,great write
-
Very Profound
that was very very profound and it does make the reader think...i can relate to this part:
"I have tried to create my own world,
but someone keeps destroying it
Just like, i have tried to live,
but i just continue to exist"
i've been through something similar a few years back...and i think u did a marvellous job in capturing such intense emotions and putting them into words...that was a very very deep poem with wonderful paradoxes...i loved it! Among the best i read on ap!
keep it flowing!
love,
neera
-
This is a very thought provoking piece. Very true and simple, but it makes you think about why someone would want to do these things, why they cant be done, and any questions in between. I really enjoyed this piece and I think you have a great way of writing. Well done!
-
To try is to live. I have to try everyday, rebuilding the world I created the day before. You must be a strong person to keep going... keep going. This is a great write. In lines 11 and 12, you used "i" instead of "I", but other than that, this is a sound peice.
Great job.
-
There are things in life that bring us to the brink of desperation. We see failure in everything we do. I myself have experienced several times what you are saying in this poem. A lot of people actually go through the same thing. Sometimes, we just have to realize whether we have tried hard enough or whether what we are aiming for is really not for us.
Good luck to you and keep writing.
Love,
Tal
-
Sometimes we try too hard and set our goals too high and in doing so we run too fast never having the time to let things flow and appreciate what is looking us in the face. We learn to live within our boundaries of being just who we are and let the rest settle as we then move into the place we want to be. Your lines flowed smoothly and gave rise to many profound thoughts as I read the picture played out in my head full of images with expressive emotions....so turn it back dont mean you have to stand still just ease off the pace and see where it takes you.
thank you for the pleasure.
-
You have made the pain very obvious, and I love it. I also think that you have used the word "away" a bit too much. Other than that, though, it's a lovely write. Good job, keep writing!
<3 Elia -
-
thank you... i have to replace away with something else...
-
-
For a piece so simple and pure, it is more eloquent than most. Such lovely imagery, especially the part about holding sand in your palm as it slips away. I think it sums up perfectly how a lot of us feel when we just get a little bit lost in life.
-
-
thank you... i appreciate it n sometimes i do feel very lost...
-
-
I think we all do. But I hope you find writing a bit of a release from it all. It can sometimes help make sense of things I suppose.
-
-
-
I like the simplicity of this poem which brings out a feeling of helplessness. I really love the first two stanzas particularly.
-
this is a good poem, well written and quite profound.i can kinda relate to this one, sometimes anyway.on the whole i think is a good poem, well done,
kind regards,
floorboards.
-
thought-provoking
oh, what a simple way to express the utterly not simple confusion of life! I like the repition, it makes the whole thing flow -
-
thank you...
-
-
Oh Thank you for this I love it. i tried to make a poem kind of like this one and it didn't work out at all thank you for letting me know it can be done. and done vary well. i guess i'm just not deep enough to pull it off. you now have a special place in my heart for as long as my heart has a special place, if you look in the dictionary of my mind under ""special place"" you will find the definition to be deathbed-Don't Know Why
This makes me so happy!.
-Cafordonaisse
-
I love it. I know how you are feeling.
"I have tried to create my own world,
but someone keeps destroying it
Just like, i have tried to live,
but i just continue to exist
Dont know why
but it just doesnt happen
no matter how hard i try..."
Amazing. If i were you, i would fix the DON'T and the DOESN'T. Just to make the grammar correct. But i overall love it <3 -
I like this simple approach to a
complicated subject called, life...
Sometimes, I think we try to hard.
Maybe the secret is to simply wake
up, breathe, thank God for the day,
and do the best we can with what we
have. Love, Lane -
Obvious feelings of confusion, pain in this write, think away is used too much though.
-
-
thank you... n i agree about replacing away with something else...
-
-
great
i love it. very deep. -
-
thanks...
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
