Razor-blade kisses leave her longing for more,
Even as she leans her head against the door, she won't implore
The question that plagues her fragile adolescent mind.
Can they stop the bleeding?
Can they save her from a shallow grave?
She has a tendency to be self-deprecating
Suicidal, a human disaster
Withdrawn, dead to the world.
Vodka burning a familiar path down her throat,
Alcohol, a much needed escape
The flowers wilt then proceed to welt,
Even as they're stitched in pale skin,
Performed by a mediocre surgeon,
Armed and ready,
With nothing more than this broken pen.
Doesn't she seem so pretty there?
With Mascara winding trails down her face,
And glittered tears tainting her otherwise,
Flawless (perfect)
Angelic skin.
Author notes
Razor-blade, Adolescent, Bleeding, grave, tendency, suicidal, disaster, dead, Vodka, Alcohol, Welt, Stitched, Broken, Mascara, Glitter
A little death makes life more interesting.
Beat Down is my emotion
A contest entry
- Skeletal Smiles Chasing Razorblades and Fractured Dreams by Dead Star--x.
350 points, ended January 24, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PEERING INTO YOUR MIRROR (no rules) by Heavens Child.
450 points, ended August 16, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Adopt a Poet Foundation Contest! All Letters Apply!!!! by Miss Faerie.
525 points, ended August 21, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES ONLY by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended September 28, 2007, 117 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win a Trophy? by Nam.
1750 points, ended October 18, 2007, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
-
Um,"deprecating" should be "depreciating"
I enjoyed the piece...loved the flow...
-
The first two lines you write have end-rhymes [with a third rhyme before the end-rhyme of the second line], yet the rest after those two lines do not. Makes me wonder if you began the poem as to be rhyming, and just ended up writing free-verse, or you intended it to be rhyming, and you just forgot? I don't know, but, I feel that perhaps the first two lines (either one) could be rewritten to where it doesn't have that end-rhyme.
"Alcohol, a much needed escape"
I believe a period would go at the end of this line.
It seems at the end you're asking a question, yet there's no question mark at the end. Sometimes a statement can seem as to be a question but yours seems more of a question than a statement.
I also felt that this should be left-aligned, doesn't read too well centered.
-
This was so very well written and so descriptive. I can relate to this Sad yet true to Life as I have been very close to some Cutters and alcoholics in my life. I thanhk you for sharing this with us. I wish you good Luck in the Contest.
-
wow
so beautiful written and worded
my favorite ive read for along time again
very emotionally felt very powerful too
-
-
Why thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece
-Danneh<3
-
-
Thanks for entering...
This is well written, effective and emotive. The imagery is excellent and I love the last stanza the most. Well done
Faerie
Site Greeter -
This is a very good poem. It flows smoothly from one line to the next. The imagery is expressed vividly through your words. The emotion seems to come through as sadness and self destructiveness. I loved the entire piece. Well done.
-
A piercing gaze into this mirror. It's honesty intrudes upon my soul like shards of pain, because I can so easily place myself as its reflection. A remarkable write. Thank you for the entry in my contest.
-
-
It's reflections long since been broken though..
Thank you.
Thanks for the comment, I know it's a lot to read all the poems.
-
-
This is a very good poem. I can close my eyes and picture the youth, feel the lose of life and the also feel a kinship to the poem itself.
-
Penetrating
That's the best way to describe this piece. It cuts into the reader, more of an experience than a piece of literature. It has a way of slicing into you from the very first lines "Razor-blade kisses leave her longing for more." I'm not one to find beauty in suffering (except for schadenfreude, lol), but this poem is an example of craft, and the talent is [painfully] evident in this piece
-
-
Do you realize the blush that your painting on my cheeks?
Or the unsureness in my eyes?
Your words ring in harmony with others,
And still I try to discount them as lies..
As always the self deprecating nature shines through,
A lack of belief in oneself..
And there is beauty in sorrow,
If only well made,
The words welded together with a blacksmiths tools.
It's an experience like none other,
For That I can destest,
As I myself lived through it,
And never passed the test. -
-
Blush not for sureties sake
veracity is the only language I speak
and words are a poor compliment to talent
Well welded words wound round anything
place a delightful mask
but tis another thing entirely
to make that mask smile
-
-
-
wow, awesome words placed perfectly well in this excellent write. i like this, emotional and described in lovely detail throughout ^_^
-
very emotional piece a believe mainly bcause of your choie of vocabulary.
Great write
-
-
My Vocabulary?
Thank you I'm glad to know that it worked out well in this piece...
Thanks so much for reading.
-
-
interesting
I like your use of the vocabulary words you were given. You create a very powerful image in this piece. I love the line about the Vodka and familiar burn... the whole thing seems so tragic and beautiful at the same time, just like I imagine the girl.
Very well done.
One thing we disagree on: capitalization. I don't like the capitalization of the first word of every line. As someone once told me, "it screams Microsoft Word". I actually used to write all my poems with that format, until I thought about it and tried it without. I realized that I like it so much better without all that capitalization. To each his own, and I never really comment on that in other poets' work, but I felt the need to say it here since it did come up in my poem, and I'm wondering if that was what you were referring to.
I definitely have to read more of your work. I like the way you use words like brush strokes, painting a picture with a poem.
-
-
No! Indeed it was not, I only use such a style in contest poems, as I find it better to be safe than sorry. I hate using capitalization like that, It almost seems to abuse it. Thank you. I enjoy painting pictures with words, and am glad that it got through. Tragic and Beautiful.
-
-
hmmm... nice, i like the way you wrote this with your word choice and flow. it makes it very deep and emotional, and oh so true..
thanx for entering 
xAbusedx
Adding your comment:
1 - 19 of 19
