It was like this…
The sky had one last fade of blue
Before its blackness robbed the day
A slowly-dying residue
Of storms had washed the truth away
Blood-silver kiss…
A glimpse of hell was in the flame
Less honest than Iscariot
I turned my shoulders to the Name
And staked my soul I knew him not
As deep as Dis…
My sin is black as dungeon air
This blasted and forsaken rock
Supports the mansion of despair
I wait to hear the morning cock
In a list
emotion
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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WOW!
I came, I saw and I was impressed, so short but so chock full of thought and the last line perfect! I liked you choice of putting that rhyming intro line before each verse and this poem deserves some more attention for the message! Very clever and I'll front you some claps too ... joy
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Joy, many thanks for the visit, the appreciation, and the applause.
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Intense Imagery
I know not what else to say to this. Very deep and moving, regardless your religious preference. -
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Lady-P, it came to me as a moment's insight, and I wanted to say it in a simple and straightforward way, referencing the Bible story without copying it slavishly. I am glad you appreciated it.
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chilling
yes, i can only imagine the tortured thoughts of guilty betrayal that raced through peters mind...
very good poem here!
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Many thanks for the accolade, M.A.
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Who hasn't felt damned...
Darling dream mum
I know this feeling
its depths of despair
from which you're reeling
gasping without any air.
Smoosh
Janet
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Dreadful, when it occurs, dreamkid.
Smoosh
dream-Mama-Marie
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Good
Very good write. I liked it. Nice wording and flow. Nicely written. Good job.
tabitha
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Thank you, Tabitha
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You are welcome
tabitha
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A good strong write Mairi, one that I have enjoyed reading. I have no critique to write has I wouldn't change a word. Well done my friend, this piece should have been in a contest, it deserves some recognition. Val>
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Val, thank you for those kind words.
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Profound
Good smooth rhythm and rhymes all work together to creater a unique poem. The color and pic placed with this poem enhance it and help set the mood. I think this is a powerful write, I can feel the raw emotions reaching out about this gift that was given to us all.
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Thank you, friend, It was something I felt in an instant, and had to get it down. The painting is by Salvador Dali, the surrealist - one heck of a draughtsman.
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NICELY WRITTEN
YOUR RHYME IS AWESOME. I REALLY ENJOYED READING THE PIECE. IT FOR SURE IS AN EMOTIONAL WRITE. KEEP ON PENNING
POETDONTKNOWIT -
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Oh as often as the ideas come, I'll knock out the poems!
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Outstanding!
Powerful and vivid..a grand idea expressed with force and beauty. Well done. I enjoyed the first line of each verse..but the ending
"As deep as Dis…
My sin is black as dungeon air
This blasted and forsaken rock
Supports the mansion of despair
I wait to hear the morning cock"...very compelling. All the best, Larkin
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Mat, thank you. I was recalling Christ's promise to build His church on the rock of faith personified by Peter. The emotion here is so powerful, that I wanted to use the image of quite a different edifice built on quite a different rock. I am glad you feel it was effective.
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Love it!
I really appreciate the poem. It is interesting,succinct, thoughtful and well written. Is this your style? I like it.
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Thanks, Kirkman. It's not really my "style" as such, except that I tend to write most of my poems in "iambic" measure - most of this one is in iambic tetrameter. I don't plan it that way, a rhythm just seems to happen in my head.
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Brilliant, moving, a blast of power, emotional, the lament is tangible, hits me to the core. Well done. You have captured so much here.
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Wow, Star Shine - I am overwhelmed - thank you.
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lovely write with some solid rhyme throughout and nice images created with your us of metaphor
Love and light,
Blaze -
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Thanks Blaze - glad you liked it.
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hmmm, didn't notice the title but Peter came through loud and clear in the reading, though I confess I do not know of Dis, and will have to go explore.
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I thought hard about using "Dis" - because it is the name of an underworld deity, and it would be unlike peter to use the name. But this is a modern poem, not a pseudo-biblical one, and I am trying to capture the emotion. As I think I commented to another person, poetically the name is often used for the underworld itself.
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crystaldust 15.01.07 14:48
Dark, yes, but this poem has a beauty that shines through the dark because of the way you have used the words with care and true meaning. The emotion is searing and reflects a remarkable insight into Peter's turmoil as he realised the enormity of his actions. A magnificent poem. Thank you for sharing it. Joy
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Thank you for your kind words, Joy. I am glad you appreciated the poem.
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Beautiful poem with its superb spirituality..biblically sound.
I iked the layout and rhyme scheme--the whole presentation was just awesome. Hey, learned who "Dis" was today, too! Blessings, ♥ Belle
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Thank you Belle. I paused before bringing in "Dis" to rhyme with the other words. Classical reference seems very non-Peter, an Aramaic fisherman - but on the other hand, Christ called him Cephas/Petrus, and "Dis" is often used metaphorically, by extension, for the place not the person. The important thing for me was to get the emotion across, and I am glad to have done so.
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Excellent
Excellent ..I learn from you each day .. what more can I say ?? Love it mate ..
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Well thanks, Bazza, mate. You don't do so badly yourself. (I really have to start paying more calls)
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Dramatic and stunning...
Yes, poor Peter, and I so well understand his human frailties.
We all look back at how we might have risen above fear and despair at how weak we were in the face of terror. A lesson for us all, and you present it grandly with few words and much passion. 
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Few words and much passion is what I was aiming for. Thank you, Melodies.
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exceptional
Lovely and powerful, potent, succinct...and an absolutely splendid poem...sound and content, short but exceptional. I loved it, absolutely loved it. I'd say "bravo" but you don't like that, so I'll say "exceptional"!
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Michael, I know it is a weird time to be writing something with an "Easter" theme, but I was never one to pay the slightest attention to the ecclesiastical calendar. What I wanted to do was convey Peter's emotion, more than tell the story.
Generally at the moment I am fairly happy, but this one came to me round about the time someone close to me was at the funeral of someone close to her...
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