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Techno Princess Pain


So confused, but I like your pants,
I wish I could fit, in your heart,
dirty I am and so broken apart.

Too many words to describe you darling,
selfish and hellish, but beautiful,
from below, and in the lull,
unspeaking snowflakes,

confusion, you rot my brain.

Nevermind, it's wrong, just forget.
(the pain)
Would hate us everyday.
I couldn't find the words to say,

I love you

more, because we are the same.

A contest entry

Please think what you tell me

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • death spell
    February 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i like the part when you said "unspeaking snowflakes" it sounds kool there!


  • Miss Faerie Greeters member
    February 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    This is a piece that makes you think. I do believe there has been someone who has caused us to fall apart over and over...
    Faerie


  • Rosemary Stroebel silver member
    January 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for entering

    I would have to admit that I could not truly grasp the crux of this poem. It feels like you are jumping around and the flow of the words does not really work so well for me.

    My apologies for this but maybe if you restructure the poem a bit it will read better and be easier to follow.

    That said, sometimes what does not make sense to one person will make complete sense to the next. It just depends where you are coming from and if the reader gets it. I unfortunately did not but that does not mean it is a bad poem, just not the type of poem I can get.

    Let the ink flow and your fingers dance

    Rosemary


  • Abscessed
    January 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A warm welcome to All Poetry!

    Rather unique in your approach to the contest brief I would say
    Thank you for entering the contest
    I wish you luck and welcome you to All Poetry!

    abscessed


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    January 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for Entering the contest

    I like your approach to the contest topic. while it certainly reflects a first to most of us, it is a unique approach and description. The title works perfectly with the piece and I love the ending.

    Best of luck in the contest and welcome to the site


  • greyhaime
    January 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    thanks

    thanks for entering in the contest, this is certainly an interesting write, well done and good luck to you in the contest, welcometo the site and luck in all your writing endevours..
    Krystal


  • FifthDove
    January 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for the entry and welcome to the site!

    I like the uniqueness of your chosen words which you have weaved throughout this write. It show much imagination and cleverness, nice work Thank you very much for taking the time to write for` and enter our contest. Best wishes in all you do and welcome to AllpoetryDove
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  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    January 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for entering

    Interesting first line. 'I like your pants' not sure what to say to that. This seems a little all over the place and scattered to me. The structure is good, but the flow is a little lacking. I don't see the first connection unless this is a first love?

    Good luck in the contest and welcome to allpoetry.

    God Bless
    Tammy


    • Brain Fetus
      January 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      *I wish I could fit in those pants
      *I wish I could fit in your heart
      when everything is so confusing, there's nothing to say sometimes,
      except i like your pants

1 - 9 of 9