In petals you've collected me
In puddles where they fell
In pictures drawn respectively
In lonely words you'd spell
the only words you'd spell
They were the only words you'd spell.
I hear the ripples flip then flee
I feel the strains of time
I speak the words in spite of me
And wish that you'd been mine
and wish that you'd been mine
I say "I wish that you were mine".
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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bravo
Excellent! flawless rhyme and meter. a twice potent piece of poetry, again, terrific! bravo... bravo... bravo..
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Really good keep it. Stacey
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Beautiful!
Beautiful!! I love it!! words blend very well together!! This is amazing!!
Wonderful Write!
-Jessica-
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This is good as is par for the course with you, but I wish you had been just a touch less formulaic. I almost felt as if your feelings were being held back a bit by your need to fit a certain form. I feel you, though. I frequently have the same problem! all in all, though, quite good. Yours - oce
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love it
This is a bit different for you, which I love of course. The repetition is very useful, especially in the last three lines. Great title as well.
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Wonderfull imagery and I love the blank space, it lends to some great dramatic cues! Wonderful!
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