Black and Crimson with Silver borders,
my colors stained by blood of a murder,
an abuse of the heart in deadly control.
Giving my life, my family colors to you,
I break with my future self, a fool, to
an unjust love, a cruel heart that captured
mine, trapping me forever now.
Black is his heart, with blood in his eyes,
he drips bile venom as his words crush all
hope. Crimson blood spills as his silver
tongue flays open my soul. Words that never
halt, each a silk thread, as a spider weaving
a web on a loom of tortured pain.
The fault was my own.
I would kill myself, but he continues to
dribble hope as an ocean spray upon the
rocks of life, mine. I hear his laughter,
obnoxious and mocking in my mind as he
creates another horrid attack on my
conscienceness, each a stab on my fragile
reality.
Trapped in a pen of on going violence
and degradation, with no knife to cut
myself loose to freedom, but only a death
of his choosing and my family colors
disgraced.
Author notes
'Entrance Young Demon, To The Pits Of Hell!' BOTTOM
Options 1 & 4--Word Banks B & D
In a list
A contest entry
- The Dark and Gloomy! by Soten-Jaganshi.
550 points, ended January 30, 2007, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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now this is just sick!!!!!!
first two lines -second stanza, yech!!!!!!! Overall, a very great sick and disturbing read thru!!!! Had to come back to this!!!!!! hahahahaha. Greatly written!!!! -
Third stanza, simply my favorite!!!!
I agree, very dark in the deepest trenches. but, what a great way you have expressed all of your thoughts on this one. I could not find a single thing wrong with any line or original thought, and you ahve quite a few of those here. Overall, I have to say, this is one of the best I have read in a while!!!!!
. Rewarded 4
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Merry meet fallower,
Thank you for your very kind and wonderful comments. I am glad this was one of the best you've read in awhile. Thank you for your applause as well.
Amythest
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Demonic
Dark demonic, very well written, it flows evenly. Your use of language is awesome, you paint masterfully with words. Bravo!!!
. Rewarded 4
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Merry meet Anno,
Thank you for your applause. I'm glad that you really enjoyed the poem and thank you for your compliments.
Amythest
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impressive..
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Merry meet,
Thank you for your applause. I'm glad you liked it.
Amythest
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The flow of the write is very impressive and just to the point too. I really appreciate this work. I hope you continue writing because I would love to see what else you have to offer. You paint a rich picture with this pallet of words taking us along enveloping us in the feeling and emotion that pores from each line. very captivating in your choice of words. I liked the overall theme of this poem.
I thought it had a nice flow and feeling to it. Great message in this poem. Thought provoking, Imaginative, and I loved your creative imagery. Your carefully chosen words painted a picture as I read your poetic work of art. I am glad I read it. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways. -
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Merry meet kendalpalmer,
Thank you very much for your wonderful comments. I am glad that you really liked this poem. There is nothing worse than clicking on a poem to discover that you really don't like it, for what ever reason.
I do have quite the body (no pun intended) of work. If you check my author's page I have them broke down into categories, you might find something else there you like. Thank you again for reading my work.
Amythest
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another amazing write!!!
sending chills up my spine! I loved reading this! it's truly a dark and gloomy poem, but it's also very well-written and displays twisting emotions. I love it so much and I hope that you definitly place in the contest.
Blessed Be.
~Crystal
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Merry meet Crystal,
Thank you again for your kind words and applause. Alas, the contest holder has yet to finish with their judging. There are a lot of poems to read through and I a up against some pretty stiff competition. Thanks again.
Amythest
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Niiiiice. Kudos for using two, and the poem was great too! ^.~
It has a good flow, and nice structure. Good luck! Thank you for entering!
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Merry meet,
Thank you for your comments and praise. Thank you also for your applause.
Amythest
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