As the rain drops fall and the wing starts to blow
I found out a secret I never wanted to know
Now I can;t take it I really need to go
Get him name off my sleave
I never want to see his face for the rest of my life
He stabbed into my heart, Unless he comes back to me
I;m going to live my life the way I want.
And I hope he won;t return on his stalking haunt.
Think before you go and do something dumb
If your not careful you could hurt that special one.
A contest entry
- January New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended February 15, 2007, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Thanks for Entering and Welcome to Allpoetry!
This has a nice reasoning behind it, but there are quite a few grammatical errors and that put me off. Wing should be wind and you should have apostrophes and not semi colans
Good luck
Faerie
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Thanks for entering
This is a good poem on love and shows a lot of maturity on the topic of love and how, if allowed, it can actually destroy you.
Obviously you have been told about the typos and I understand that sometimes we can write perfectly longhand and when it comes to typing it we go a little astray because we are not always akin to the keyboard or we just are typing to fast to realise the mistakes.
Use the edit option on the righthand side of the screen to allow you to fix these mistakes.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary -
A warm welcome to All Poetry!
Whilst the subject is nice, I think a bit of editing would be appreciated by us judges - checks on spelling and grammar would be a good idea
Thank you for entering the contest
I wish you luck and welcome you to All Poetry!
abscessed
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thanks for entering
thank you for entering this in the contest, I enjoyed the read, although you still have some punctuation and speling mistakes.. but over all I liked the contet of it.. well done and good luck to you in the contest...
Krystal -
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Yea
I have to work on that.
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Welcome to AP
Aside from a few punctuation mistakes, I think this is a very nice piece
It shows a lot of heart and soul and that always makes for good poetry! Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best in this contest! Welcome to AP, sweetie -
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Thank you
Thanks I've only been writing for a year. I might not be the best. But I think with everyones advice on my poems I will improve. Thanks again.
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This piece has a good personal meaning.
I personally suggest you change and adjust the poem into something like this:
As the raindrops fall and the wind
starts to blow.
I found out a secret,
I never wanted to know,
Now I can't take it,
I really need to go.
Get his name off my sleave.
I never want to see his face,
for the rest of my life.
He stabbed my heart.
Unless he comes back to me
I'm going to live my life the way I want.
And I hope he won't return his stalking haunt.
Think before you go and do something dumb
If your not careful you could hurt that special one.
This is my opinion, welcome to AP.
Thanks for sharing
---"I don't know what to say. Do read my mind."---VIRGOAN
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Wow, this is a unique write, full of not so good feelings eh.... well done on this piece, I wish you luck in this contest
Karen -
Good poem.
Do you know how to edit your poem? You can correct the punctuation and spelling mistakes so that they won't distract the people who read it in the future. You want people to be paying attention to the meaning when they read your poetry, not paying attention to the spelling. A spell-checker program is very helpful. I always use one.
In line 1 you probably want "wind", not "wing"; spell-checker programs won't spot a mistake like that. Same goes for "him" in line 4. -
I Like IT
I Guest We All Had Relationships that went Sour.
But You Accomplish The Goal We all Would Like to Have.
That Is To Put It Into Words That Hurts No one But Has A Lot Of Points To It. Good Job.
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simple mistakes
True sometimes when I type I just type when I feel like writing. So I don't always realise the mistakes like that. But thank you for letting me know. It'll help my writing. -
Welcome to AllPoetry
You give a very clear look at the reaction we have when someone hurts us badly. In some circumstance love can turn to disgust very quickly. The only thing you might want to change is that you used the ; rather than the ' in your contractions like I'm, won't etc. Unless of course, you intended it or like the visual
Best of luck in the contest and once more, welcome to the site
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Thanks
Thanks for the advice and help on continuing to write. -
Thanks for the entry and welcome to the site!
All too often this is the case in first loves. There are exceptions to that also though; your poem is very relatable although a few punctuation and spelling errors this is quite good. Nice job Thank you very much for taking the time to write for and enter our contest. Best wishes and welcome to Allpoetry 
Dove
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Thanks for entering
This started out strong but then the flow became off. There are some spelling errors and you are using the wrong pucuation marks.
Good luck and welcome to allpoetry.
God Bless
Tammy
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