This torrent of tears I have cried,
clouds of sorrow storm my mind making me scream,
fogging my sight of what once was happy times,
which are now nothing but hollow dreams.
Twisted thoughts of woe,
rape cruelly my serenity,
blistered inside by a burning hatred,
taunting the past visions of you I see.
Forsaken, set adrift on this Sea Of Pain,
no light shines forth to guide,
my heaving tumultuous burdens of thought,
no longer of worth, washed away I died.
The seperation of the soul,
from my generous individuality,
are forever stains upon this hide,
your parting gift to me.
Hollowed dreams of nightmare screams,
visions of you I see have replaced my serenity.
As darkness blocked my guide found me worthless so I died,
soul sundered individuality scarred by your final gift to me.
Author notes
Names - NightBloom, CoronaofDreams, MajestikQueen, FlowerofNight
I used a 2nd and 4th line rhyme scheme in 4 stanzas. In the fifth I took the 2 rhyming lines and combined them from each stanza into another line with an internal rhyme scheme for the last stanza. And it was just luck that the 2nd and 4th stanza rhyme so that the 5th stanza still has the 2nd/4th rhyme scheme. Kinda works though.
Just something I toyed around with.
A contest entry
- I NEED A NEW AP NAME by Aeonna.
300 points, ended January 25, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open to anyone and everyone! by Aidenn.
600 points, ended February 12, 2007, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want To Feel Your Pain!!!!!! by tawk.
625 points, ended March 7, 2007, 23 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This torrent of tears I have cried,
clouds of sorrow storm my mind making me scream,
fogging my sight of what once was happy times,
which are now nothing but hollow dreams.
Such brillant words you use in this
Great piece really is...wow..
The begining was great and the end was a little off
but over all effect it was great
Good luck in the contest
Best Of Wishes
dragontuba -
Works very well, I so loved your write so full of emotion. Excellent flow, good luck in my contest
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Oh yeah it works! The emotion you have expressed is so sad and painful. Great writing. Best of luck in the contest.
Jeannie
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this is a sad and emotional write that works so well.a very strong write well done to you with this.great piece
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tragic
as always, dave you have come up with a very well written poem! this one is sad, and i pray that it is not based in anything that is real for you. best of luck in the contest!
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WOW! This is beautifully sad. Such a feeling of love lost and overwhelming sorrow. The rhyming scheme is very nice, not sounding forced or over bearing. A wonderfully unique and dark piece.
Lovely work.
Best to you!
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interesting
I like it, and its very different. I really like the final gift to me part. I can relate to the love turning to hate portion of this poem. Good job!
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