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She

 

On the silent sands

In the land where cool breezes blow

Where the warm Nile waters flow

Servants bathe her as she wills

Where obedience she demands

Or death she’ll command

Beads and jewels adorn her hair

Alluring eyes with dominating power

No one can resist the temptress heart

Brought to their knees by her intense glare

Men, her slaves, succumb to her every bidding

Her every touch like a warm embrace

Victims wantonly waiting to be her next choice

To protest the slightest would mean certain death

All attention to her shall be paid

Her kisses like poison

Intoxicating her unwilling servant

Like hounds and Jackals she plays

And where lost hearts cry

Conceited by her vain existence

Statues to forever reflect her beauty

She rules the land

She is the relentless Queen

She is Queen of the Nile

She is Egypt

 

 

Author notes

OPTION 4

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Rinoasis
    December 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is an excellent poem. I really like it.
    Thank you for entering this into my contest!

    Good luck!

    Blessings,
    ~Moonchild

  • cirque du soleil
    June 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow...
    i like this write alot...
    I love this way of describing Cleopatra!
    I've always been fascinated by Ancient Egypt, and im glad that someone else is, too!

    best of luck!


    • freespirit51
      June 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I am glad you enjoyed this piece and thank you for your great comment as well.


  • ImmaculateDesire
    January 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    What an awesome tribute to Cleopatra. The picture is perfect. The words you write are awesome. Thanks for sharing it with me. It is no wonder that you won gold. This is well-written and very expressive. Thanks again for inviting me to your page. Take care.


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    January 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great..........

    This is just great..i have no other word, to see the picture and read your words...just fitting overall

    Good luck to you in this contest
    XXJeannette

  • Mother Angst
    January 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    cool

    i love ancient eygypt,, and this poem was great!


  • sunny day
    January 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Powerfully Dominant

    spirit, Cleopatra was a very domineering woman and also a ruler of Egypt. You captured me instantly with this write that is quite powerful. I was a slave to every word from the title right down to the last word in the poem. Your talent shined in this and I wish you the very best in the contest. It sounds golden to me. I will leave you with a standing ovation to go along with my applause. Love and God bless, Joyce


  • Firequeen
    January 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was very interesting
    digferent
    I liked the flow

    She rules the land

    She is the relentless Queen

    She is Queen of the Nile

    She is Egypt

    love that part
    Fire


  • Fairy Nutty Buddy silver member
    January 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Howdy!

    one small change:
    Servants BATHE her as she wills

    Nice write! I think there are a few things that could be tweaked to make it even more mysterious and intense, but not sure exactly what yet and won't take time to try and give ideas unless you're looking for them.

    This one line stopped me and didn't seem to fit the rhythm that seems to flow throughout the rest of the poem.

    Men, her slaves do her every bidding

    It does need a comma after slaves, but still think it could be worded differently and flow with the rest of it.

    Men, her slaves, succumbing to her every bidding
    Men, her slaves, succumb to all she bids
    Men, her slaves, yield to her every whim

    I dunno, I'm just spitting things out... brainstorming on your poem page!

    Okay, I won't take time except that one line, 'cause that's the one that stuck out to me.

    I'm done now. I really enjoyed this, really! I think it has potential to be even more better , so that's where all my babbling is coming from.

    Write on!

    Kimberly G.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    January 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    This is some poem,you did a wonderful job.That picture matches perfectly.We need to all go to egypt This is a soft way of bringing male slave to a women,when most of the time its the other way around...


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    January 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting write. I loved how you presented the Queen as being Egypt. It showed her power and her strength. Good luck in the contest.
    Soulful Woman


  • Blazing White Wolf
    January 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hmmm not a badly written piece you have entered, by the way I just entyred my piece into it , nice rhyme, some vivid images and overall well done. Good luck in the comp

    Love and light,
    Blaze


  • Julianne Michelle
    January 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This makes Egypt sound so appealing for a woman! haha. I loved it. The rhyming is subtle and beautiful. It has an underlying intensity, yet the flow is so soft. I love how you wrote the last few lines, how they built up to the concluding statement. Wonderful write!!

1 - 13 of 13