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My Lullaby

sweetest dreams to you tonight
may starlight line the moon so bright
cozy, snuggly, drowsy and dark
may moondust light your dreams, your heart.

Author notes

For my friend, Jeff

Please tell me what you think (but please be nice)

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • freespirit51
    January 14, 2007
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    Welcome to AP. I see you joined a while back but I see now you are reading again and soon I hope to read lots of new writes from you. I loved this piece. The flow was great and was easy to read. Totally lovely.


  • Cafordonaisse
    January 11, 2007

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    I read through it three times. the first time I thought it was a bit mushy and I wasn't feeling it too much. the second time I noticed the word "Snuggly" more and it started to win me over ( Snuggly is a great word ). and after the third time now I really privvy it, pretty good you won me over. Thumbs up

    - Cafordonaisse


  • arcs215
    January 11, 2007
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    this is very sweet. It does indeed feel like a mother would have written it for her children. It is though very short but I suppose that makes it easier for people to remember it. Keep up the awesomely wonderful work. smiles all around


  • vampireblood
    January 11, 2007

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    Wow this was such a wonderful poem, it was rather short but it made sense. I liked how the poem rhymed as well, it flows rather nicely if i do say so myself. Great job on this!
    ~~~Vampireblood~~~

  • a dreamer of HoPe
    January 11, 2007
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    AWWWW!!! i love it!!!


  • In Too Deep1
    January 11, 2007

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    sweet

    This is a sweet lullaby that can be told to little ones and passed on down throughout the generations as a memory of you. Thanks for sharing such a special piece


  • FallenAngel09
    January 11, 2007

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    I like this dreamy sort of lullaby, it has a song quality to it that would make it sound good for a mother to sing her child. The first two lines were great, they rhymned and I'm sure that was what you were going for. The second two lines, however, didn't rhymn at all, and am not sure if that was coincidental or if the whole poem was supposed to be like that. You should probably change the second two lines so that they rhymn with the first two so the poem would sounds smoother and flow better. Other than that, it was a brilliant poem. Great job and keep writing.

    Tiphanie


  • ashleyheartsyou
    January 11, 2007
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    aw this is a really sweet poem that rhymes well and flows well, also. i like the loving emotion expressed in the short number of words and i like the overall effect the poem has on me (makes me happy!). nice job


  • Danna Hobart
    January 11, 2007

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    This is a very sweet expression. I feel like it may havebeen written by a mother to her children, and if that is the case, then it is perfect the way it is.

    If you are intersted in getting it published, then my first suggestions is not to rhyme, because when you think about how many times the words tonight/starlight/bright have been rhymed, there is no way to be original with them, especially not in a poem this compact.


    • OhSusannah
      January 19, 2007
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      Thanks

      Nope, not interested in publishing anything. Words I write are usually expressions of my heart... of how I'm feeling right at that very moment.

      Some like, some don't. ... either is fine with me

      Thanks for the comments!

1 - 10 of 10