I’ve never dared dream for less than I could question, yearning towards the stars because after a while, the mud is so boring – no one ever sat and taught me the beauty in growth until I stumbled, fumbled into dirt and the birth of a marigold or something – who cares which plant? – and paused to stare. Because miracles are so flashy when everyone believes but the atheist plucking at a hidden wire, scoffing as the crowd turns to devour their saviour - even boredom holds its own fascination and failure is always relative, really. Fear as a motivator is no less powerful than joy, and grief never touched me past a barrier of force-interaction – skin-to-skin holds less allure when cynicism counts bacterium and nixes contact to protect.
Effect, deflect – somehow the necessity of loneliness fails to penetrate and shall continue to do so, falling short as expectations and Columbus. Reassuring – how many know his failure? and insignificance should perhaps not wrap cashmere-soft around my shoulders like a cigarette-puff in London, one less asthmatic to cremate on the city’s dime.
Mixing, matching – consistency was never a stronghold, and metaphors bend worse than oak-trees when the motivation’s right, gale-force hypocrisy with a dusting of poppy-petals for the scent. Irony’s a constant, flicking glances in loopholes but not pulling the fabric because most take unkindly to being unravelled, and there’s too much wool in the world to justify the sheep, tangling ankles together in stranglehold proximity too complex to fracture with a quip. Mockery is a lost art to those who claim sarcasm’s for imbeciles, and then quiver when you use the word. In rage, if the doubt is to be benefited from. Humiliation isn’t nearly so bitter as you’d think when it’s the only emotion empathy embraces, exposure for immunity like pale cyanide beauties, lead-traced faces and coal about the eyes.
No fear nowadays – masks are animal-tested, safe for human consumption with even a dearth in calories, deception available exorbitantly over counter-tops plastered with dreams begged, borrowed and Faustian-traded. It’s all a con – they’re trying to persuade you people actually look, listen, pry deep and long enough to notice truth when it seeps around edges and brunette roots. Save your money. Spend those days trawling, hoping, but don’t cry to me when you realize Pandora only left it for the contrast.
The fall doesn’t sting if you forget to brace for impact – tensing viper-ready to lunge.
And we come to realise that positive is only the antithesis to negative, after all, a forgotten comparison lined up until next time we need a boost.
Ambition isn’t poison –
it’s just the antidote.
Pity no one acknowledges the disease.
Author notes
Macey Muse ^_^
Any questions on references, ask - if I explained them all now I won't sleep tonight. This is me. I never claimed it would make -sense-
(And again - critical preferred)
A contest entry
- [I'm doing just.fine.][I think.][Options/Points.] by Calligraphy.
800 points, ended January 13, 2007, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The "point" is? by Nicole Hanna.
2100 points, ended February 23, 2007, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take Me Away. Take Me To Dreamland. by Xx-emaculation-xX.
950 points, ended April 8, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Poetry TEEN Idol Season Five: Casting Call by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended April 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ PROSE ♥ by love tank x.
850 points, ended June 16, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please be critical.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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"– and paused to stare. Because miracles are so flashy when everyone believes but the atheist plucking at a hidden wire, scoffing as the crowd turns to devour their saviour - even boredom holds its own fascination and failure is always relative, really. Fear as a motivator is no less powerful than joy, and grief never touched me past a barrier of force-interaction – skin-to-skin holds less allure when cynicism counts bacterium and nixes contact to protect."
That part was my favorite, but
the whole thing was actually really good!
"Ambition isn’t poison –
it’s just the antidote.
Pity no one acknowledges the disease."
Perfect ending, also.
Thank you for entering and good luck!
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Yes
I only read the first paragraph. Very profound.
I already know you are fantastic. Definitely definitely definitely a yes. lol
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lol
*puts up large 'Don't feed the ego!' signs* -
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lol Oh, ok my bad.
Wow. How horrible, I mean do you seriously think you could ever do good in a contest if you ever write this bad? It's gonna have to be a no.
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i literally loved everything about this poem.. this is prose at its best, and i absolutely enjoyed reading this... alot. I could quote my favourite parts and what not but that would take up way too much space.. theres is nothing short of amazing in this poem. amazing write, it really blew me away..
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Wow, I wasn't expecting the prose approach. What's funny is that there have been so many entries that are supposed to be free verse poetry, but it reads like unintentional (therefore badly done) prose. This, however, being intentional, adds a whole new dimension to the piece.
Though this is prose and meant to be a sort of "rambling monologue" (my own phrase, not an academic description of the form lol), I feel it could use a little editing of superfluous words. I'll just give a couple of for-instances:
"no one ever sat and taught me the beauty in growth until I stumbled, fumbled into dirt and the birth of a marigold or something"
could be....
"no one taught me the beauty in growth until I stumbled, fumbled in dirt and the birth of marigolds".
or this line "effect, deflect- somehow the necessity of loneliness fails to penetrate and shall continue to do so"
could be
"effect, deflect- the necessity of lonely wont penetrate and continues, falling short as expectations and Columbus"
Other than that kind of editing, this was an extremely intriguing piece, and original given the types of entries I've read so far. Very nice. I always love reading something new and innovative -
Gorgeous
Well, you reminded me- so I'm back. (good thing, too. Wouldn't have remembered.) Alright, now that I'm in class- with the pretense that I'm working, I can try to further analyze this piece.
I see this won the gold. Congrats, and well deserved- Anyway..
I notice that you have the word 'protect'. Singular, as one line. This doesn't damage the piece, I just don't see it there, as all too necessary. You already said it, and while yes- it does impress upon that point, I still don't think it's necessary. And looking at it, it seems misplaced, in contrast to the other 'paragraph' chunks to this work.
I also notice, near the end, the reference to 'crocodiles'. This is a reference that just made me scratch my head, and wonder if there was some deeper meaning you intended when you used this creature. I half expected that, to turn to a 'crocodile tears' reference, which it hadn't. But I'm curious as to why, as I've said, you picked that, because the word doesn't really roll off the tongue all that well. I say this line, repeatedly, and it doesn't work. Maybe a play with alliteration could fix that, however.
Regardless, these are just my opinions, and otherwise- I love the whle setup of this, and the ending was just killer. I already added you as a favorite, and justly.
Keep writing,
~Lindsay -
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I may revisit 'viper' too - but now, I'm 3 minutes from lights-out. Thank you for the crit ^_^
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I think that single-word thing is something I need to work on - I have a habit of pivoting my thinking, and repeating a single word to signify that, but you're not the first to point out that it doesn't really work. The crocodile thing I agree with, and the reference wasn't particularly thought out - three syllables are clearly too many in retrospect, particularly with the harsh sound. I'll swap it to 'viper' I think.
(I'm giving a shot at another piece for your contest, btw. No guarantees - this is a new style for me ^_^) -
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Your welcome, and I look forward to your entry- if you enter.
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Good lord, was this amazing. I love stream of consciousness pieces, and I think this is one of the best ones I've read in a long time. It was so bitter and raw and real, I had to go back to read it at least five times, just to get everything in. I don't know if I can give a proper critique on this piece, but I might be able to give it a shot if you remind me later when I'm not so sleepy. Great job, and good luck.
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Thank you very much for the gold ^_^
(*pokes for critique*)
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I really liked this, it was a poem that read like prose. I'll give a proper critique later, if you remind me- but nice job!
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*reminds about the crit*
Pretty please?
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i have bookmarked this to read again. there is much packed into this and my mind is feeble right now. your command of words is beyond admirable... this much i can say right now
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Good Job
I wish you well in the contest. You made some points that are very relevent. Pen on fellow poet -
nice
I liked this, the imagery of being flesh to flesh with one another, something personal. I really appreciate this. I miss my ex g/f maybe if I sent something like this to her maybe then she'd come to her senses and see I mean everything I say to her, then she'd take me back. but thats a dream. A big dream at that.
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