Friday

Ashen faced clarity
Unpredictable disparity
Distracted by constant ramification
Forced to hand over my limitations
Putrefy, rot, decompose, decay
I lost and gained everything that day
Saturated despair
Fractured trust
Paranoia seeping into the bloodstream
A swarm of flies reflecting a dream
But I let my walls down.

Define okay?
I felt desolate
Original hesitation gave way to trust
Repeated repetition, saying the same things
I screwed up
I lost them
It was vague but well understood
They were all external
So why were they everything?

Shadows of threat approach
Backed against the wall
Eyes darting, they assume the mind is distorted
Lash out with betrayal flooding, invading brainwaves
But it was all mistaken
Brought about by lack of sanity
The fractured trust was soon repaired
Torn fabric stitched and sewn.

Refusal, paranoia
But the threatening creatures pass
Through the tiled wall, cease to exist
Still sane enough to not be naive to their facade
The careful footsteps resume,
Traveling towards a brick prison that blinds the soul
Like death row but worse:
Life row.

Met by a face made of snakes
Threatened by the poison of her skin
Blood shakes in the vein and freezes
Refusal
Refusal to walk a step further
Cannot trust the monsters in this hemisphere
They're not here to aid, they exist to pressure by threatening presence.
Demur, reopened like a wrist-inflicted wound
But she deteriorates and disappears into the concrete
And mobilization resumes.
Walls so sight-diminishing that the color can't be distinguished
But it looms ever closer
Taunting the brain stem and melting the spine

The hesitation remains
Clinging to the only indication of a human being
The only one that's not decaying in the infra-red rays
Put forth by the sphere of hell-inducing flames.
The rest are creatures, stalking a broken body.
But paces in sync, a small comfort in chaos
Screaming inside, desperately begging.
Desperately begging for the unstained to stay.
But have priorities been reassigned?
Is the organic structure that was once decomposing
And so focused on being blanketed by fresh soil
Insisting on adhering to a miniscule illumination
That may simply be an illusion produced by faltering toxic intelligence frequencies?
But the mind too preoccupied for immediate concern.
Can't bother with introspection
Untrusting flesh too reactive
Paying too much attention to the surrounding domain.

Metered rhyme to scattered freeform
Trust to paranoia.
Eradict behavior?
Convinced I'll run.
Why trust when I'm not trusted?

Blue eyes like ice
Careful sarcasm drips from these teeth
But when the door closes, terror overwhelms.
Not a trusted face in the claustrophobia-inducing cell.
The scratched window to the outer room
The only security produced in these poisonous airwaves.
Surges of solace and a stochastic breath of unsoiled oxygen.
At times a head appears, but it's not one I want to see.
Crying out with paranoia
Frost-eyed man calmly attempts to explain
Attempts to ask questions
Splintered, dissolving brain can focus only on the tiny light
Echo the same words, the same demand
A cry from a deranged child, lost amongst the disorder.

They're concerned with themselves,
Giving into the exclamation from the one deemed unstable
Trying to satisfy a hungry beast to save their own blackened hearts.
Crack the door, the thought of escape sprints through the mind
But the only unmalformed face's appearance banishes current insecurity
Remain in the chair, placid body but apprehensive mental structure
The face withers away
As if it had never existed behind the thick, cheap glass separating the worlds.
Staring into eyes that reflect a winter blizzard
Their questions are answered reluctantly, but not wholly
Only fragmented pieces of the puzzle are presented.

The pupil-bled saltwater dries and fades.
The ears deaf to all but previously said words.
Like the vocal world is on mute but the deceptionary world blasts sound waves
At decibels that shatter the organs.
"I need pills."
"You're not to contact them."
"I want to see you here Monday."
"Are you okay?"
"I broke down in front of a stranger."
"I lost them."
"I'm worried about you."
"We can't let you leave."
"You told them!"
"Why would I do that?"
"Your pupils are dilated."
The English language swirling through perverted lobes
Answer robotically
It's not like I'm there.

Eventually the line of uncomfortable curiosities ceases.
Still trapped in a crimson hazed darkness,
A labyrinth I'm trotting through
Seeking a way to make everything right.
Dark navy eyes outlined with shot red
Clouded, unfocused irises sharpen;
The previously blue sky has transitioned,
Now displaying a collaboration of orange and pink.


Has it been that long?
It seems like just ten minutes ago
The flies were swarming around my gray flesh.
They seemed to be predicting the future.
It was proposed that perhaps they could
Anything is possible, the human mind is all we can examine.
But they must have been predicting for another occasion
Because there was no escape this time.
No lead to penetrate brain tissue and bone.
No river of heart-stabilizing fluid to stain the hair red.

Blue uniforms approach, darkened and stained by the sight of a million shadowed skies.
Brought back to sun-setting, head-shattering reality.
The destination wasn't a grave
It was a hospital bed in a pediatric room
That mimicked a below zero Alaskan storm
That froze the consolation in the body
Ceasing its existence, but not the counterfeit, cautious cooperation put forth.

Previous to departure, the room shook with unprecedented fear,
The result of corporeal contact,
Undesired and unanticipated due to distracting thought process.
Embraced by people that collapse the structure within.
Chest stops, heart surges with panicking flames
That lick the inside of my coarse throat.

But there was something that mattered
A chain reaction that began to reverse the decay
The mechanical prison door slams, the motor roars
Cooperative. Disturbed child silent and still.
Calmed by the warmth of a physical communication.
The only thing in the world that expresses emotion flawlessly.
Resounding security that puts on the breaks
Ceases the lightening storm electrifying the psyche.
It made up for nothing.
It didn't take back any words.
But it twisted the world around
And isolation turned to grayscale memories.
On the receiving end of an undeserved hug
But it saved my life.