I can't stand the thought of you.
Your presence grates on my nerves
Like fingernails on a chalkboard.
So why, then, are you still here.
I can't stand the thought of you.
Your sweet melody driving me mad.
The chaos makes my ears bleed.
But why, then, do I still listen?
I can't stand the thought of you.
Your deep, blue eyes, which burn.
They seek to destroy me in a glance.
So why, then, do I still stare?
I can't stand the thought of you.
Your touch in the night is agony.
Like a thousand razors, it stings.
But why, then, do I still reach out?
I can't stand the thought of you.
The taste of your icy kisses in the dark.
Further freezing this frigid heart.
So why, then, do I still crave more?
I can't stand the thought of you.
Your scent surrounding me
To the point of sweet asphyxiation.
But why, then, do I still breathe you in?
I can't stand the thought of you.
Though I still wake, screaming at night
From my beautiful nightmare, a feverish dream.
Which begins and ends with you.
Author notes
Option 1: 5 senses
"I feel you in my dreams, and I don't sleep." --Amy Lee
For the one I loved, my beautiful nightmare, who has not left my dreams since he walked away.
In a list
- iv. honourable-mentions. • next in list
- i. gold. • next in list
- iii. bronze. • next in list
- ii. silver. • next in list
A contest entry
- {♥L/o/v/e&&D\a\r\k\n\e\s\s♥} by BrokenDawn.
525 points, ended November 23, 2007, 29 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - HOT PENS by Ephiphany.
750 points, ended November 11, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark (again) loss by Selene Tremere.
400 points, ended March 31, 2008, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I told you I'm sorry but you didn't hear me by Sorrow is the name.
400 points, ended May 24, 2008, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 46 of 46
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wow.....
That reminded me of someone..
i love this one. it deserved every trophy -
Nicely Done
This sure won a lot of trophies... congrads on that, it deserved them all. Though I would rate it gold trophy all the way. I can't relate completely of course being on the opposite side of things in a sense (being a guy), but there is bits I can really feel what you mean, the love and hate confusion I can totally relate to that and I've been there recently now I am somewhere past that but not completely healed. I also can relate to the feeling of being haunted by a memory and a dream that makes you hate waking up, it esp. sucks when you feel you completely got over them and one dream or crossing of paths puts you five steps back again. 'But back to your poem it is brilliant and I can see you have a lot of talent as a poet. Keep on writing, but most important have fun doing it and write it from the heart as you did so brilliantly here.
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Oh I know someone who makes me feel like this. Grrr
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OK,
That Just Took My Breath Away
I'm sorry But that was too good
Its going to be hard for anyone to beat that
(I'm still gasping for air)
(ok I caught my breath)
Any ways that Was beautiful
*I bow down to you*
And you are right People And emotions Can be just addictive
Thank you for your lovely Entry
And GOOD LUCK
*hugs*
By the way I can relate to this so well
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****
Very good I have connections to this poem. I can almost garentee this will be in the finals! -
Wonderful write. Congratulations...Well deserved Gold!
K -
And sometimes, just like drugs, their withdrawl symptoms are just as terrible, eroding. The love/hate conflict-the thoughts that tear you apart at night in the aftermath of loss- are portrayed with emotional precision in this peice. The repetion is nice,its rhythmic and it mirrors the mantra of questions and conflict that fill the mind in the wake of broken relationships. Your imagery and language are really great- beautifully beautifully done. It speaks to me all too well.
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love it
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wonderfully written thank you for entering and best of luck!
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This poem is good ...I like how you wrapped your stanza's thanks for entering my contest much love, Raneika
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There seems to be two camps with regards to the repetition in this poem. I think I'm with those who say that it weakens the poem and serves as a distraction. However, it is still a great write, with vivid imagery and clear, succinct word choices, and I liked ita lot. Thanks for entering and good luck in the cotnest!
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awww wow! love the pic, and amzing poem, good luck in the contest =)
stephanie. -
ooh I enjoyed this.
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Your poem really captures the love/hate aspect of some relationships:
I can't stand the thought of you.
The taste of your icy kisses in the dark.
Further freezing this frigid heart.
So why, then, do I still crave more?
Thank you for your entry. -
I love the way you describe what you're feeling in vivid ways and deep expressions.
The repetition of "I can't stand the thought of you" starts to wear out the powerful effect it could have.
Thanks for entering your write at A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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oh yes they can!! i loved it, i know how this feels. beautiful love, exquisite.
Rain--x
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This sound similar to mine, except that you used way more poetic devices than i did. Congradulations on the gold and bronze, it was well deserved. I hope mine will sound as perfect as your's!
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Beautiful imagery
this is lovely. Good luck.
ephiphany
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Ok just let me say firstly that i have read this before and i loved it before. I'm not sure what it is about this piece but it suck with me. Fantastic Job!
Goodluck!
~dawn♥ -
Awesome!!!
This is a great write, I can relate totally with your words. Brilliantly penned! Good luck in the contest! -
I felt like this intense heart pounding read to this. The repeating line in each stanza really strengthens the piece. Your able to show both sides of feelings and actions... Really quite good how you put it together in each stanza.
Thanks for entering my round contest ~ good luck to you. -
breathtaking.............
This blew me away and I never ever read poems more than once over ... this one i read 2 times and loved it more each time....
i love these poems that relate to me and how I feel for that someone i love...
and this touched me ...
and it is just what i was looking for in this contest!
I know exactly how you feel...
when your so addicted to that person that no matter what they do or say...
you need them..
crave to be close to them
and even when they speak the things
you dont want to hear..
you still call them ...
as if just to hear thier voice in your ears...
trust me...
i know completely how you feel...
YOU ARE MOST DEFINATELY IN MY FINALIST LIST NOW!!!!!
-----------------------------------------------
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ENTERING THIS WONDERFUL PIECE INTO MY CONTEST!!!!!!!-----
WISHING YOU MUCH LOVE----
AND GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XxLisaJazminexX
__________________________________________________________________
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the repetition helped to enforce one idea, but distract from some pretty strong images. content was a bit lacking in that this was the third entry just in this contest on the subject.
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Haunted by someone you can not stand and yet you love so despite it all that they may of done to you, you continue to wish they were wish you, possibly longing to have them in your arms again. Because despite everything else love still exists, which is of course a pain of its own, and unfortunately it is no easily cut off as a limb or a foot.
So you still long for the person who may of hurt you, because of that love, and it is that love that longing that makes you want them forever despite it all despite the imperfections you want them - or more so the image of them .. the glass behind the foil - the doll behind the store. Ah love .. what a beauty.
Jeff. -
I can't stand the thought of you.
This is the one line that made me want to reach out and say then don't think of me and let me die.
Riftkin
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I like the questions used to represent your infatuation and how hey question all the things you hate. That contrast is nice.
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wow, this was good. i like the contrast between why you hate them and how you're inexorably attracted to them. good luck in the contest
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wow.
I liked this
alot.
But you didnt follow all of the rules.
:[
This was a really good write too.
Thanks for trying -
Neither a refreshing tone, or a cliche tone was on this, jjust cant put my finger on it, but I think it was an enjoyable read with some stronger emotions. Nice write. Thanks for the entry.
Ryan -
i really adore this piece. i can feel your anguish and frustration, you put a lot of emotion in it and i can feel it. and there are moments where i can relate. thanks for the awesome piece. good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
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this was interesting....thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
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You have penned a wonderful simile in the first stanza and I applaud you for that. But I would consider dropping the first comma in your repeated lines of so why then, as I feel it makes better reading and flow to have just a single pause. I also noticed you don’t have a question mark in your opening rhetorical question, not sure if this is a mistake or meant to be like that.
You have also used some wonderful metaphors, adding imagery to this deeply sad poem; I however, don’t feel this is an erotic poem. I feel it’s more of a cry for help poem, one that is relatable to someone who feels trapped within the realm of an unloving relationship. The raven contest does have many categories, and would welcome more poems from you. Great poem, well done and thank you for entering the 2007 raven contest I wish you the very best of luck
Moonlight raven
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I can sympathize. More than you know. Probably more than you would like to know.
The way you describe the different ways of hurting you is nicely done, I'd say. And why you question why you still want that person at the end of each (except the last) stanza, also nicely done. The the tiny twisting at the end was a good way to top it off. All in all, I rather liked it.
Sweetest of dreams! ~D -
wow this is an amazing write, so emotional and strong.
the flow is so natural and deeply sadning.
thanks for entering and goodlcuk -
great
i loved the picture to this poem.... and this poem was very great, i liked it alot... way to filter emotion, great job... good luck in the contest -
Tortured love. Why does something that starts off beautifully often end up hurting so much? What perverse course do we chart? Well written.
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Sad
Well written. Like the poem and the words. Good read. Good luck in the contest my dear.
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Just imagining the pain gives me heart ache. Reading it, I felt the pain. The ones you thought you loved, will always stay with your nightmares, the ones you thought you loved, seem to hurt you the most.
Great job. I enjoyed reading it.
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i love this poem
good job! i love this poem and please dont stop writing! u r very good!!!!!!! -
Beautifully written. I can sort of relate, though my dreamperson isn't there so much anymore.
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This was definitely an awesome poem, and worthy of the name, "Beautiful Nightmare" because I think that that is exactly what this is...a very beautiful nightmare, the hauntingness only matched by the absurd morbid beauty that was all throughout it. The imagery was wonderful in this, you feel and hear everything. Also, I like the way it ended a lot!
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Great!
"I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep" (Snow White Queen) Ah, a great song from my favourite band. And this poem fits that line so perfectly! I like how you repeated the line "i can't stand the thought of you" in every stanza, and the "then" in the last line. Very cool.
Great poem. I love the theme of longing for someone - and i can really relate to it. I love the line:
"From my beautiful nightmare, a feverish dream"
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this is a very powerful, heartfelt write. i liked the way you repeated the first and last lines of each stanza, and the slight variation stopped it getting boring. i like the story in this piece, and the way you finished it off was perfect
keep up the great work!
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Excellent
Wonderful imagery and powerful words, thoughts brought to life in such a wonderful and deep way. It is one that I can personally relate to and have written about my experience with that person as well although... this could almost be seen as written about an addiction as well... can you see it? or am i just too imaginative? -
ouch i would hate to be the person you are talking about your words are sharper than an two edged sword.
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Wow
So powerful! Amazing write, I love how you used such great imagery and the detail you wrote is fab! Great job!
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