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Psych

Sitting in the green room,

trying to find solitude.

She couldn't escape for the abuse.

He'd push her and shove her,

like a rag doll indeed.

She was his prisoner in a green room,

never aloud to leave.

She was made to fulfill his every fantasy.

She did everything she could to never make him mad,

wore that green dress and never took off unless instructed too.

Escape was she needed, but it never came through.

That kitten he bought her,

he said "it reminded me of you."

He bought it from the pound,

for it was abused too.

She was glad he rescued it but when he left,began to cry,

if he had a heart why was she going to die?

Her hair was falling out,

and her green eyes had turned to grey.

Afraid she'd never escape.

Sitting there she was daydreaming,

of a better life, a second chance.

Having her true love spin her around and round in his arms.........

Then the alarm clock goes off.

She wakes up and she's safe and warm.

In the arms of man that would never hurt her....................


Author notes

I just wrote how I thought she felt. The color of the room and the look on her face was just an inspiration to just many.....

A contest entry

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Comments


  • leander Moderators member
    January 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem radiates a lot of sadness within the lines here, and I really didn't see the ending coming either. I like that, since you kept it as a surprise element Who would have know this woman was dreaming all these horrible things eh?

    Anywho, I remember our convo about poetry the other day, that you wanted to grow in it and stuff, well, here is some help for you (I hope you won't get mad since I'm correcting you here, but thought you would appreciate it)

    line 3: for seems to be redunant in that line - in my opinion you could leave that away
    line 7: never alowed to leave?
    line 10: ... unless instructed to ?
    line 11: the first part seems a bit awkward to me (probably because English isn't my maternal language so if that is a total correct sentence structure, ignore this ) I'd write it like: She needed escape, but...
    line 13: he said: "it reminds me of you."?
    line 16: the last part seems a bit of a weird structure too to me... wouldn't it sound better like this: ... but began to cry when he left? I see the next line rhymes on your original structure, but since the rhyme is intentionally not structured, I think you could get away with it quite good
    line 23: ... love spin her round and round... ?
    last line: in the arms of a (maybe better) the man that would never hurt her... ?

    As you see, these are all minor issues so nothing really to worry about but poetry is most of the time in the little details

    Hope you appreciate this, cause I definately appreciate that you entered this contest!


  • XExpressed LoveX
    January 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Thats really good.  I would of never thought you'd write a poem from a picture. Thats a Good idea, just look at a picture and write a poem about it.  Well again thats really good.