Would you revel in knowing
Those deep thoughts
That sink into the ground, into you
Harder than gravel, a crush
That feels like being
Crushed.
Would you like to feel
My nerves going tense
When you shun my hello
Or the smile I choose to give you
That slides off your shoulder
Where my tears want to fall.
I keep smiling
Even when you ignore it
Because, some day,
You or your kind
Might choose to see
The happiness
Reserved
For you.
Author notes
Originally released on DeviantArt on October 30th, 2003.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/3655903/?
A contest entry
- Sympathy for the Death of an Open Mind by laughingstock.
825 points, ended March 10, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I encourage advanced critique. Thank you.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I like this. I really do. And it shows a real common way that the mind is tormented. I wish you would put the option that you submitted this under. Just go to my direction and find which option this falls under and put it in your authors comments. I like this piece a lot. It's something that's real and that's something that I always relish seeing poets write. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck.
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Great poem. It brought up a lot of old feelings in me, and I like that aspect of it. The writing was honest and real. I'm in love with the line "where my tears want to fall"! I think it's gorgeous. The title is perfect as all. Best of luck!
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I like this poem. I'm not sure what part sticks out the most but this is really powerful. As Whoochi said "does provoke some thoughts to ponder." Good luck in the contest.
Love always,
Kristen ♥ -
Extremely powerful and does provoke some thoughts to ponder....Good Job...Good Luck!
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wow, i like it, it's powerful, and alot of people will be able to relate, i know i can. Good job and good luck in the contest.
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