I saw a man in the rush hour crowds
suave and audacious
walking his way to the next transaction because the week before he had cheated death in a whirlwind of metal and bricks;
speeding on those little pills he keeps near to his heart.
I saw a fading shadow of a man in the rush hour crowds
self-destructive and frail
drudging his way to the next conquest, regretting the last with a torn heart;
because he doesn't realize all he had to do was love his son,
and he couldn't.
I saw a black hole of a man in the rush hour crowds
weak and dying
fighting his way through the endless sea of figures to the front of the line;
he stood without a smile to adorn his sensuous lips;
looking my way;
his eyes piercing my heart
Author notes
well this is my first attempt after a very long artistic block. im sure u can tell that parts were forced, but i think i did the best i could
A contest entry
- xx - Love - sucks - xx by The Hardest Goodbye.
300 points, ended June 17, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me how i did & how i can improve plz
Comments
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this was a good poem =) But was this about the love between a father and son ? or the love between lovers torn apart or something. cuz maybe i didnt make it clear in the contest rules. ?? hmmm. but i liked it anyway!
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forgat the applause
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wonderfully sadening
you read this to me a while ago i still think its great. Its sad and now that i read it myself it really got to me i think its wonderful even though i think i know who its about. Its wonderful keep up the good work hopefully i'll have time to get some new stuff on here soon. love ya
Peace
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