I sit here next to you
A naked earthly being
Cast in half-light and sorrow
You are naked too,
But I care not for the nudeness
Of your bosom
Nor the smoothness of your skin
Nor the calling of your loins
I care for you
With us is my friend of many years
It is just us three, naked earthly beings
Returned to simpler things
My mind should be at peace, but it is not
The way you look at him…at your chosen…
But not at me
At one time you looked at me
At one time you found me attractive
You found me
Now I am the avoided and awkward
Why do you choose all over me?
I am the memory to be suppressed
I am the vision to be cursed
You slide next to him ever so slowly
And I cannot help but question your motives
You shy away from me like I am a monster
And I so honorable, polite, sad, and pathetic
Sit and watch in stupor silence
Not so close to the fire friend,
But closer to her, to what I once called love
You watch him from the corner of your eye
You look at him dead on
You want him
You want it all
But I…
Do I have a right to feel this way,
To feel betrayed?
Do I have a right to think
These thoughts?
I don’t’ know
What I feel is a lesser feeling
A feeling of inhuman distraction and inferiority
The night is young and I am old
To both of you I am uptight and wound and wrong
You my love dare not look for fear of what, what?
Do you know…would you tell me?
I am nothing to you, nothing that I want to be
You are loose and free and alienated by my feelings
You touch him and take him, but not me
Is it because of our history?
I wish I knew so that I may sleep
But sleep will not come for me tonight
I will lay awake and reaching out to you
If I listen closely I might hear the
Whispers of throaty voices and…
A thought
Is he here to distract you, to keep your
Mind away from me?
Do I really cause you that much pain?
What does it matter…
Some things I can’t let go
Some things won’t let me go
When I look at you I look at
You as all that I am with all
Me here and open
I am a naked earthly being,
A pathetic, cringing worm
I am the most naked
Author notes
A night of vulnerability that felt like an eternity.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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The problem we find is that we each know too much about these pieces we write... You were never thought of as a monster. Honestly. The only reason... to avoid further hurt... I'm sorry it felt like an eternity for you. I don't think it was much better for me. But I tried. Really. I didn't mean to make you feel so vulnerable. But I am not apologizing for my actions. It's all over. Eventually, thinks will be better. Eventually. But I suppose that we both have a few things to learn. Anyway,the imagery here is great. I think that you really captured the feel of the entire night. Speaking from experience, of course. A beautiful piece, Noah. As always.
Love, Casey
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