Why do it -
Why live as
The Midnight Masochist?
There was a visceral thrill
Forcing myself through journal entries
Of someone I feared, someone who
Should not be public to me
Nay, there is usually a bar
Between current girlfriends and past
An unspoken rift in time to separate
The two; allowing mystery to swallow over mistakes
But no! I had read enough of sugar!
Of the sweetness between us, of kind
And compassion, of now, of good! At 1:47AM
It was not enough.
I opened, JPEG at a time, HTML
To wordy smiles and cuddles not with me
I looked at her,
and acknowledged
The simple humanity we had
I know that, if we were to cross,
It would, perhaps, be bitter these days
Perhaps for the rest of ours, too
But you, woman (for that, you had to be)
You managed something that I haven't the courage to ask
You brought forth the breeding ground of my fears
Your memory leads me to question mine
You make me wonder if he will ever run as deeply again
Your existence stirs me to jealousy!
To unfairness! To pains unresolvable!
To blind anger, even, that such a flower
Had to wilt, how it choked on you, and that I
Could replant it, could shower it
In my eyelight, but even still...
Will he ever be mine
As much as he was yours?
Author notes
Originally released to DeviantArt on September 23rd, 2006. Original: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40243567/
In a list
A contest entry
- "Am I suppose to be happy with all i ever wanted, it comes with a price" by fire angel 088.
333 points, ended April 11, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Want To Feel Your Pain!!!!!! by tawk.
625 points, ended March 7, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Melancholy by Polaja.
700 points, ended March 17, 2007, 55 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Love Poems by just left of right.
495 points, ended March 17, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1,600 POINTS OPTIONS CONTEST by annoyedfairy.
1600 points, ended April 12, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Surprise by TripleGoddess.
800 points, ended April 7, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thin Line.... by Faerie.Princess.
550 points, ended April 16, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I encourage advanced critique. Thank you.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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this is a beautiful poem. written purely off emotion and very deep. a bit disorganized but that just adds to the feeling of the poem. i love it. good luck in the contest and keep writing
Thank You For Entering -
Wow. That was incredible! An exquisitely dark and lovely poem. Excellent work on this. I loved the imagery and the flow of the entire poem. To be honest I read it at least 5 times before commenting. You have a great talent. Thank you for entering this wonderful piece of work into my contest.
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Ha !
This poem just seems to scream at me "You're such a fool for falling in love with her!
"
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I really like the layout of this poem ... and although slightly embarrasing ... I can relate to the content more than I would have liked to admit ... this is a wonderful poem ... the ending was nigh perfect and my attention was kept well throughout ... thankyou for your entry
Good luck
Polly -
Great imagery and emotion throughout your write. I could feel your anguish and pain. Excellent flow. Good luck in my contest
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It really epitomizes the intimacy that can be found in relationships. I think that you are doing a great job. Very descriptive and I must say that I liked the imagery that you used (gustatory, tactile, visual, auditory). Great job. The imagery contained in this really lovely style of writing was so refreshing. I like the pattern of the stanzas. I think you did an outstanding job on this poem. Another magnificent poem to your collection. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Best of wishes to you. good luck in all that you do....peace always in all ways.
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A little bit of confusion but this chaotic state of mind fitted in with the poem and i thought enhanced the impact. You opened with a question and in doing so set up the answer of the reader within their mind. As you controlled the journey even through all the turmoil of emotions allowing the reader to delve into their own thoughts to add to the state of mind and emotional feelings laid down in your lines. Ending with another question and this answer i what lingers in my thoughts now. Thank you for a good read
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You managed something that I haven't the courage to ask
You brought forth the breeding ground of my fears
Your memory leads me to question mine
You make me wonder if he will ever run as deeply again
I am absolutely in awe , touched to the core by this unrelenting , mesmerizing , well written piece!!! -
absolutly amazing!!this highlights and descibes how you felt so brilliantly no wonder you were envious of what they had the little details like the time and the HTML bring this down to earth and make it ever so realistic loved it
bookmarked
nay x -
Thanks for your entry
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Nice!!
I'm not quite sure what the hell just went on in that poem, but I know I loved every line of it. It was crazy!! I had your images painted in my head, and I went along with it, but.. I think I got too wrapped up in it to know what really happened. But I gotta tell ya, for someone who was a tad bit lost, I love the Midnight Masochist.
Great write
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Wow, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I'm concerned for your confusion! What happened: When I was in this relationship, I ended up stumbling across old online journal entries of my bf and his last relationship. (Which, to me, shouldn't be public... especially while he's with me!) And boy, was I jealous of her for who she was and how she changed him.
I hope that helped a bit. Thanks for reading!
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Nicely done. The second-last verse is defnitely your strongest, but the beginning is a little chaotic, although I'll attribute that to my ADD for now. You did, however, manage to end it on a high note Best of luck to you!
All the best,
Laura -
Wow this is amazing. I felt the anger in your words. Like you wanted to kill someone. lol. but you couldnt cause then you'd go to jail. This is wonderful, I love it.
Best of Luck.
♥
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Irregardless of mine own masochism, I was glad to read that the poem didn't fit into the "angst" catagory. The ideas, contradictory thoughts flowed through the poem like they would through a person's mind. Great poem.
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at first i was rather iffy on the poem, the first stanza not really catching my attention. but after that, it got good, fast. "You brought forth the breeding ground of my fears" has to be my favorite line of all. thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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very good write! please be sure to put the option in the author's notes. thanks for entering!
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