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Fire

"Look at me
Saving damsels and princes -
Running, creating, fantastic
Lone star, funny
Cute, sometimes
Undeniable,
Step aside."

The fire I burn on others:
They can't believe otherwise,
I scald them with it.

The fire turns to a face:
I quench myself
With inward tears.

The fire becomes a fist:
Raging, ramming this simple body
Into your jagged fence.

My hands are raw, bleeding
Smiling, I throw on bandages
And go harder.

Aged,
I want to remember that
With you, I tried.

Author notes

Originally released to DeviantArt on December 22nd, 2004. Original: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/13389640/

Option 4 for Fallen-leaf's contest.

In a list

A contest entry

I encourage advanced critique. Thank you.

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • PalmettoSky
    February 10, 2007

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    This is such a dramatic poem. Vivied imagery and strong emotions makes this poem stand out. A real attention grabber that makes one stop and think. Well done dear poet. Well written indeed! I very much like the way that you wrote it the way it portrays life. It's very well structured; most people, (including me) can't break poetry up very well. I guess it depends on mood, for me. You have considerable talent at putting deep emotion into words.


  • leander Moderators member
    February 10, 2007
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    I really like the fact that you used short lines for this poem - it adds to the atmosphere of the subject if you ask me
    Well written - thank you for taking the time to enter this contest, I wish you the best of luck


  • SurelyWritten
    February 8, 2007
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    username please...


  • EternalFyre
    January 26, 2007
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    This was a nice poem, I like the flow of it and choice of wording, really helped me along. Good luck in the contest!


  • x Gemini x
    January 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    First, let me thank you for entering my contest.

    Second:

    This poem was very touching. Great use of vocabulary. The flow and imagery was very well done. I suggest the use of puncuation for professional look and easier reading.

    Otherwise, this was good.

1 - 7 of 7