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-x-Slaughter-x-

Slaughter

Silence ringing in my ears

Death begotten cast my fears

Dust to ashes, feed me lies

Ashes to dust, please hear my cries

Breathing hatred down my neck

Breaking love, winter field wreck

Sun of freedom on my face

Shadows crawling, quickening their pace

Loathsome creatures on my track

Reaching out to pull me back

Hands fastening around my arms

Cold and clammy, wishing harm

Biting, scratching at my wrists

Bleeding from the devil’s kiss

Darkness takes me, one last breath

Hate sprouted from love hath caused my death…

 

1/7/07

~Rain

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • slipperssun gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is awesome... i love the way you have layed this one out... sets the whole write off even better...well done on this
    cheers
    jen


  • honey bear
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    exelent work! i love the feel and the layout of this one , yo ucan be proud to have produced it


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    April 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very good. Good visuals. Very dark feelings you have expressed well. The layout is very effectual as well. Good job.

    Jeannie


  • Broken Machine
    March 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow! That is sooooo good! I loved this one!!! You are a really good writer! Be proud! I love how all your poems rhyme, or at least all the ones I've read so far. This poem was packed full of emotion, great job!


  • andie11
    February 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    fab

    love the layout of this. hate sprouted from love hath caused my death, love it. there's a warning to us there


  • mysticcrickette68
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    good

    Sorry, dont know why it seemed that way.
    I do like it..


  • mysticcrickette68
    February 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    cant see ?

    Sorry, love to read this, but
    its blending in too much?
    lol-


  • Hell In Harmony
    February 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Loved how you took this cliche

    "Dust to ashes, feed me lies

    Ashes to dust, please hear my cries."

    && made it all your own. really. Your rhyme flowed so well, it was breath taking.


  • kennybaby05
    January 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not gonna lie, when i first read this and saw the way you had it written, i didn't think to give it a chance, but I read it, and it just stuck out to me. nice job!


  • XXStOlEn-HaLoXx
    January 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I kinda like the design...very unique! Good work!


  • Ale E
    January 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Yeah.....

    Okay this is officially one of my favorites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....i'm guessing this is new as well....wow....i like how you laid the words out.....it's different.....i know you want some critisizm to help your writing but i can't find any mistakes......wow......awsome........
    love-MJ


  • AIias
    January 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this is great i feel the emotion just reading this... great work


  • ImmaculateDesire
    January 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You have captured death succinctly. I am so impressed by your poetry. It is full of wonder-filled images. I can almost see death pulling you back from existence. You write with such fire. I love the last line the best. "Hate sprouted from love hath caused my death..." It is very powerful. It hits you between the eyes like a boxer's knockout punch. Bravo! Brilliant! Thanks for sharing it with me.


  • Nicole Cudworth
    January 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way you formatted this piece! It's kinda all over the place like scattered thoughts with just a touch of mad organization. As for the content, I have felt this way a time or two! (Recently as you read in my poem) I am a big fan of rhyme and rythm in poetry so this one was perfect! Great job.

1 - 15 of 15