In a world where looks dominate our thoughts,
In a time when nothing seems normal,
I find you to be the only real person.
And although it comforts me in reality,
It scares me that the present is so deformed.
The days become less and less spontaneous,
and a routine of events become our lives.
I look to you and ask you what has changed,
and what happened to my strong opinions,
I have given myself to a world of plastic.
Looking in the mirror I see who I've been,
but I see circles under my sunken eyes
that once used to be full and cheerful,
now seeming so dull and just like the rest.
I have become one of the present minds.
So if tomorrow I don't stir or wake,
know that I am not leaving you behind,
because I trust you'll keep yourself real.
I knew that I wasn't to be trusted at all,
That you deserved to be rid of the fake.
So when you wake and I'm seemingly not there,
you will be grief ridden and relieved,
and you will grow to be well structured,
living your dreams and keeping genuine,
like you've always been and will always be.
But the truth is what I have come back to,
and I observe as you pay for your coffee across
the busy and tired streets of Reality Lane.
You leave and never look back on the past,
I don't even know you in this present time.
Only that you are genuine.
Author notes
I worked on this with the pure feelings in my heart, so please be gentle with your remarks.
A contest entry
- your inner personal thoughts by x Bright Eyes x.
700 points, ended July 22, 2007, 52 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The very best you have (ROUND 1) by Xgeekdreamgonewrong.
340 points, ended August 12, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time For A Contest ~ Round 2~Invite Only by nichtmich.
700 points, ended August 4, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Was this good material?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is really good! Your writing is wonderful!
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Lovely
This is dark and surreal (one of my favorite categories). I can FEEL the person's gradual sense of detachment. Please join us in the final Round III. The link is on the contest page.
Deb
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Yes
I think this is good prose, a well-put accumulation of thoughts on modern society, but no poetry, sorry.
Poetry for me is different, it has to ring, swing, sing its melody.
Congrats, nontheless!
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You are "genuine"!
You have a wonderful way of expressing your thoughts. You described so well the changes that occur in life as we 'grow up' leaving behind the person we once were, so carefree and innocent. I am glad you said "seemingly not there" as we need to keep that young genuine person with us all our lives and though we need change somewhat keep them close.
Perhaps our strong opinions become more muted, but hopefully the "genuine" is there to keep us on our toes.
I don't want to get 'preachy' here so let me just say that I found your poem full of remarkable insight. I had just commented on "Panic" and was about to leave, then thought I would read one more. You write so well I may have to return just so I can read one more... again.
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Wonderful thoughts put to poetry. I remember the carefree days of childhood. I loved the first two stanza's. They were filled with emotion. Don't forget you can be who you want to be. You can still have your strong opinions and your spontaneous nature if you really want to. Great job pouring your feelings into print.
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