A push
Another and another
Moving in darkness
Away from my brother
Why am I sliding?
Help me brother!
Make it stop
We’re losing each other
I can’t reach your hand
I am going to smother
Again a push
I slide even further
I see an eerie light
I want my brother!
The pushing stops
I love you mother
Author notes
In many beliefs, to drift from one existance is but a sleep and an awakening in another.
A contest entry
- Spread a little Happiness! by Celticpoet.
600 points, ended June 6, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Mother's Love For Dad's Too Judged by RedwingSpirit.
425 points, ended October 29, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
I really like this, sorry I removed two of your poems, I only really wanted one entry per person but it's cool I should have said that in the contest..so not your fault, I really enjoyed reading this.
thank you for entering.
-
hmmm...you know i had never thought about the fact that being born must feel very scary and overwhelming to a baby...indeed we part with everything familiar to us!
I like the insight and the emotion in the poem.
thanks for entering, and good luck!
-
Sounds like a sad time for you. Good luck in the contest.
-
crap
-
this is so adorable but sad thanks for entering my husband has a set of twins Good Luck in The Contest
-
Thank you for your entry, it was a caesar but i didnt add that - oops!
Lovely thoughts,
Thanks again
and good luck -
Very original!
Thanks for entering this very original write...its a good one! -
i'll admit the beginning put a picture in my mind that i don't wish to revisit again! but that's just life... this is creative! good luck in the contest
-
This piece was indeed unique. Well, I believe that the brother is a twin, and though the narrator fears separation from him...it will reunite again...and hold the love of a mother. Keep up the great work, thanks for sharing, and good luck in the contest!
-
This was extremely unique. Not something you see written about very often. I enjoyed it quite a bit, though it may not be the kind of short and powerful poem this contest is looking for.
-
Awe this is so sweet! Very well done! Wonderful imagery! Thanks for entering! Good luck!
-
unique, well thought out.
‘Born.’ – comments by the judge.
This is a unique approach to the competition and one which fits well within it. You portray the pushing from one world into another, in a thought provoking poem. It is serious, yet with some humour.
I enjoy the impact of the last line – ‘I love you Mother.’
… Richard
-
Awww i know im a man lol but the best moments of my life were watching the birth of my 2 children,this brought the memories flooding back,thank you
-
thank you
Thank you for entering the competition which is judged by me, with no knowledge of who the poet is. I am impressed by the quality of many of the entries. I will spend a few days studying each poem and look for the trophy winners.
I will give points to the poets who have written to the criteria mentioned in the requirements, - your feelings and thoughts in that moment between the real world and dream world. I am hopeful that the expression of such emotions is vividly portrayed in any poetic form.
Peace to You
Richard
-
Just Enough Written
Really good, excellent at capturing the moment- picture was a great choice Two thumbs up!
-
Different and unique..I like it!
I wish you all the best in this contest...very sweet write!
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
