I have decided this is the night.
I will drift off into a deep sleep.
I have given up the fight.
I pray for my soul to keep.
I down two bottles of sleeping pills.
Feeling as though I've lost too much.
Having a life filled with scarry thrills.
Family giving the wrong kind of touch.
My heart starts to pound really fast.
I lay down and start to get tired.
Soon I will forget the past.
Hurting my back and getting fired.
I wake up in a hospital mad.
I'm alive! This can't be!
Then I was quite sad.
Wanting to flee, they wouldn't let me.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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I love the flip over lines
I enjoy your word play, see..some people have a hard time with rythem and substance but you capture it well.
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this is a great poem!
so sad, and yet so amazing at the same time.
i really love the lines
I have decided this is the night.
I will drift off into a deep sleep.
I have given up the fight.
I pray for my soul to keep.
but i think that the line
My heart starts to pound really fast.
could do with a little shortening.
i hope you dont really feel like that, though.
keep writing! -
SPECTACULAR!!
This is a SPECTACULAR peice of writting!! so very
real and straight from the heart and soul! you
have the ability to make the reader feel as though
they are right there with you! every single line in
this Poem is great!! but my favorite is: Family
giving the wrong kind of touch!! WOW and double
WOW!! when I tell you this I mean it from the
bottom of my heart! I have been in your shoes
and it is so very TRAGIC when it is your own
family that does something like that to you!
pure VIOLATION of your body!! something
that you never FORGET!! you have penned a
Materpeice with this peice of work!!
Thank You so very much for sharing
some very painful things.
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*cheers and tears* this poem. Is amazing. I can't explain it. Brings more memoriesnthatn the last. sucks out as much emotion as it can. I love this... I adore your poems!!!
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very deep
Thank you for sharing this and letting others know they are not alone. I have been in that place. It was very lonely and scarey. It is very well written -
This is yet another wonderfully written poem! I especially liked the second stanza. I can familiarize myself with this one very well, because I have been there, myself. Even when it feels like there isn't any hope, there are other ways to solve the problems at hand, instead of taking the easy way out of life.
Thank you for sharing such a strong, and emotional write.
I hope that this did not happen to you, and if it did I am sorry that you had to go through this. I hope that you have found peace, and are feeling much better now. Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you.
~Manic
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ah-hah!
So, this is the connection with my "silent room" i see. I tip my hat to ya for writing something so dearly personal! But it is important to keep this out there, so that so many people out there can know they are not alone, as the same for you!
*R
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Thank You very much for the feedback. I hope that it does help people realize that they are not alone. Thanks for reminding me too. Take care.
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This poem sounds too realistic for my comfort zone. A very descriptive and emotionally revealing poem. It is beautifully written and very effective. Well done dear poet.
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You share a wealth of raw emotion in this write. But should we take the easy way out? Life is overwhelming at times, we have to hold on because tomorrow could be the best day ever. Great write here, I felt the pain and sadness. Bringing out the emotions of the reader...that is what it is all about!
Blessed Be,
Azlyn
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impressive
You impressed me again!
the only part that I think sounds a little off is the part "my heart starts to pound really fast"
I don't know it just sounds a little off of the rest of the poem...
But the overall tone matches what the poem is about
kudos my friend! -
Wow
Very, very nice. It really gives a lot of emotion. It is very sad and hopeless. Very deep- beautifully written. I like this one too. -
sad
You express the hopelessness so well in your poem. I know that many people have been there, but there is always a better answer than pills, overdoses, etc.
Life can be really tough, and we just need to hang in there until better days arrive.
Ethereal Melody 
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Hitts home..
You write about something I have thought about but chickened out.. This is deep.. Awsome work.. I felt what you spoke of..
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This poem really opened up emotions in me. I think the poem is quite indeed a good ending, and a better start at life.
I think alot of people could relate to the emotions in this (maybe not the whole story but the main meaning).
Its sad how someone who writes so beautifully can feel this way.
But then again its the feelings that fuel the writting.
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I like the idea of it, its really sad but good. However, I feel like there should be a little more at the end. I dont know It would just make it better for me. Stilll, nice write
Much Love
-Mystique
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this seems to be a poem many can relate to now-a-days.. and that incliudes me too... but then i guess i try to look on the bright side of everything... and try to not live in anger... life is too short...
-lil lyssa -
Aw so sad
I felt the emotion of sad and unworthiness within your words.Giving up will never bring any kind of peace.God doesn't want us to give up,but to stand up.I hope this was just a story and not the truth,If this really happened then I would say pray your way through,for God loves you.When times are difficult that is when faith should step in.Stand up to that old Devil for he is a liar.
God Bless
~Cheryl~
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I believe everyone feels this way at times. I can sense the emotion in this poem. Just take what you feel and gain strength from it. There are always better days around the corner. Writing is a great way to work through your feelings
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Wonderfully written. Very good flow and transition. It brought out the feeling of someone wishing to end it all. I do hope this was not from personal experience.
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This is an amzazing poem, well done [=
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i t is a good poem i hope you get better if its real
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I like this poem alot! I can't say that I relate to the poem. But I can relate to the feeling of the poem. You are a very talented writer. BTW thanks for commenting on my poem. Not trying to be a pain but you forgot the "e" in the.
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Thank You
I'm simply thankful for you. I felt sorrow and fear, more in myself - but your decision was clearly made. The beauty is you are a gift, important, and meant for something great with purpose and fulfillment...from the sign, "they wouldn't let me" i'm not quite sure as to exactly whom, but i'm very touched. May you be healed, blessed, and filled with happiness and love.
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I know it all to well. I have been there done that...as many of us have I would suppose. Yet I must say it not happening must have been for a reason.
My life took a turn past it all and is better now.
Nicely done, good flow and deep dark, sad meaning.
Best to you!
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amazing
it's very true, knowing first hand, it is a hard thing too deal with, but i'ts a very touching poem but none the less, amazing. -
Wicked
I've been there before, it's agreed that the feeling is quite depressing. Wonderful write, good show of emotion. :3
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Amazing.
this is an awesome poem. It's full of emotion, and i love it.
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I KNOW I ALREADY COMMENTED ON THIS, BUT I WANTED TO RE READ IT AGAIN. THIS POEM IS ABSOLULTLY AMAZING, I ACTUALLY HAVE BEEN THINKIN AND JUST VISUALIZING THIS POEM AS IF IT WERE HAPPENING TO YOU. YOU HAVE AMAZING TALENT AND I HOPE YOU NEVER STOP WRITING. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR YOUR AMAZING POEMS. IT HELPS TO KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE SUFFERING LIKE ME.
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Expressive
I can relate to this in so many ways. Ive been there, wantin to just end it all, and then getting saved, but im glad they do, every time. I just hope it gets better for you. I really enjoyed the poem. It appears to be well thought out, keep up the good writes
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So depressing, I can somewhat relate to this piece of work.
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Good
Did this really happen to you ?
xo
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Very Sad
Man this poem is sad. It makes feel really sad. I hope your going to be ok. It was a really powerful write.
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I can understand the feelings you express in the poem. I've had alot of ups and downs, and mind you they were very extreme dips.
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Sad but true
I am sorry for your pain if you want o talk know that i am here for anoyone who needs help or just want to talk
It a beautiful poem just so sad -
Oh This is good, I can relate to that quite well. It's dissapointing to wake up when you've finally worked up the courage to do what you've wanted to do. It's extreamialy well written.
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I have never been there myself, but I do like this poem a lot. You very accurately describe attempted suicide and the bitter disappointment that comes when you find out that you're still alive after you decided to take the plunge. I like your ryme scheme too The alternating lines are really interesting, and give the poem a really good sound.
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and this is a really good poem if it brought out the freud in me so kudos to you my friend!
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i have read what the others have commented. i can't relate personally to what this person in the poem was going through. but i have been at that standpoint where you feel there's nowhere else to go but through death. there are others that have experienced this and never sought relief from friends. they decided to end their lives before it ever really had a chance to get better. so to this person in the poem whomever it may be, talk to someone. lol. talk to your innerself. and sorry for sounding like freud! lol
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This one makes me feel so sad. Its nice that you share it though cause there's others out there that have traveled the same road as you and you can inspire them to know theres hope with your other poems.
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Interesting
It's a theme I can certainly empathise with.
The closing stanza interests me in that, having read widely on the near death experience, people often seem very reluctant to return and have shown themselves annoyed at being 'back'. Admittedly your intention differs, but it brought it back to my mind. If you are truly feeling this way, rather than just using creative writing to explore themes, I hope things improve for you in your life.
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I can relate to this in a way. It's very nicely written
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