Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

[not for the weak]


power of life and strength of death,
held within my nauseous kiss,

ruby fragments tinting my breath,
sickly lips aren’t worthy of this,

words i clutch in clumsy fingers,
are crumbs i dare not eat or speak,

grains of passion, sunset cinders,
these morsels are not for the weak.





A contest entry

Critical comments are most welcome.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • deadcolor dreams
    March 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    youknowthedrill. it offends me that rhy,e is in a contest labelled the perfect poem but you know it still rocks, my perference is just not there ha ha


  • xandercheerios
    February 16, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ho hum ho hum, very very nice, it works so well that you've separated every 2nd line! BUT is this supposed to be all one sentence? If it is, do you wanna at least caps the very first word? If it's lowercased for a reason, that's alright, just let me know!


    • DancingRed
      February 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      This poem doesn't deserve capitals, it is meant to be small and insignificant. Thanks for your lovely comment and I hope you have fun with the contest.

      • xandercheerios
        February 17, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        awwww that's so very unique and honourable a thought. Same thing here, except I've never thought of that. If I had, I'd have it all in size 1 font. supa small.


  • Nex Vultuosus
    January 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Incredible

    Your words flow like a river of blood! Ironically... It has no flaws but the caps Issue. But then agian, I'm a bit of a hard ass.


    • DancingRed
      January 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah, I'm going through a stage of no caps at all...
      Thanks for a great comment.


  • Raelin
    January 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    A great powerful piece. I loved it. Well done. Keep them coming in this form. Good luck and blessed be.


  • Norman Crabtree
    January 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i think what you are trying to say here is death is not for the weak??? the morsels are not for the weak compare that with those opening lines, passion is not for the weak???


  • Lyre-Bird-
    January 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is quite a dark deep piece.... I love your imagery your words have painted.....
    power of life and strength of death,
    held within my nauseous kiss,
    these first 2 lines captures the readers attention...
    this really was a great read
    thank you for sharing
    Tracey

    • DancingRed
      January 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      This poem means so much more to me than I could ever express. One side of it expresses my new-found fear of writing poetry; there’s power in my words which I don’t deserve. It parallels with natural food and spiritual food and other personal feelings. I want to be a stronger person; I want to be worthy.

      I didn’t mean that death wasn’t for the weak, but rather weakness doesn’t deserve to have any power (such as the strength that death possesses.) I hope that makes some sort of sense.

      Thank you ever so much for reading and interpreting my piece.

      DancingRed.


    • DancingRed
      January 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for your lovely comment and applause.

1 - 12 of 12