Fantasy pulls one way and circumstances push another as we try to separate reality from illusion.
Desire and responsibility pulling and tugging at each other-
causing even further confusion, we find ourselves lost.
A mysterious light within pushes onward to an unknown and uncertain future that we may or may not ascertain.
So, with what little strength we’ve left, we manage to rise and walk.
Onward surpassing once ominous obstacles oriented to openly confuse and abuse our mentality.
And, in whatever obscure fashion, we find our way.
A contest entry
- inspiring poetry or what ever your best at writing just be you by inwakanma.
500 points, ended July 10, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE ULTIMATE CONTEST '07 Sponsered by The Poetic Bandits by Trueheartforlife.
7500 points, ended August 4, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Jerk's Contest: Discover it! by Avatar of Innocence.
585 points, ended March 16, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Looking at Kyo-N's comment, I guess it could be a manifesto. The trick with poetry manifestos are to say what you want to say without explicitly saying it. You can do that in the first and last lines of the poem to make sure you at least got your message across to the audience. Describe the state you are in more, especially in sensory tones: does it have certain noises that resound (for example: "does illusion ring or drone?"), does reality have a tart or bitter flavor?
Just some things to think about if you decide to reconstruct this poem. Also, to put a spin on this idea, take out the pronouns...most readers assume anyway that the poem is intended for human readers and society as a whole. Unless necessary or to specify something, pronouns usually aren't very necessary.
Also, for inspiration on how to write thought-poems/ manifesto-poems, read Allen Ginsberg, especially "Howl". He was a psychotic genius if there ever was one. -
Ehm... is this a poem or a manifesto?
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Are you looking for a critical comment or an applause? I can do both, but whichever you prefer is fine by me. Other than that, I really have nothing to say.
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Nice
This was a nice piece, the lines are gracefully woven together to make a nice read. Thanks for entering and best of luck in my contest.
-Alec -
This is great please continue to write
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kool
i really cant say anything but there seems to be nothin but the truth in this poem and i like that great write
thank you for entering and good luck
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The last line in this could be used as an example of how to integrate poetic technique without hampering overall effect. Superb. The poem is short, a medium which works realy well for it, though I feel like you could have more to say here. What you do say though is fascinating. The contrasts, what we wish and don't are cause of much debate over the centuries, though I have rarely seen the questions put forward so clearly. The structure is intruiging, and has a really good overall effect because it makes you read it carefully, make sure you've not missed anything. The title fits perfectly (wordsworth once said that poetry was the recollection of intense emotions in a time of tranquility, or something along those lines), and yet again the hope at the end seperates it from the whining and lends the poem a wonderful bittersweet quality. A work of which you should be proud.
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wow wow wow!!!! this is quite a deep write you have penned here!!!!! Its only a short read but really makes the reader think, ask and answer questions!!!
A great flow with your words each line gliding smoothly
well done
thank you for sharing
Tracey
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I love poems with long titles
To me, long titles signal good poetry, as you have proved me right. Your philosophy of our strength to continue over obstacles that had once been hard is encouraging and worded perfectly. You describe the confusion of which we find ourselves facing all the time, as well as the cause of it, in a way that is both poetic and layman. the free form you use is creative and refreshing than the basic form of which almost all poets are bound. I appreciated your work and am very glad i have someone to remind me of the constantly created originality displayed on this site. -
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Thank you RT
I rather like my style too ^.^
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Wow
Great write Jada.
I know I've thought this before, but you, you took the thought, and successfully put it into words.
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Thank you
I'm glad it moved you ^.^
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