It's all she's been thinking about
She'll do it tomrrow without a doubt
She has no reason not to
It's the only thing left for her to do
The life she is living has no joy
So she'll go home and get her favorite toy
She'll escape her misery in the blink of an eye
Everyone will be left to wonder why
She did it the next day without hesitation
In a split second she escaped her situatuion
She never looked back on her dreadful life
She left everything and walked towards the light
She won't be missed but for her it's fine
For at last, she has found peace of mind
No one will care that she is gone
But it is okay, because she is now in her eternal home
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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wotrhy effort
you have a wonderful start to a poem, brilliant in fact. your rhymes are too predictable tho, and for that reason i think (and this is only an opinion, not gospel) you should revisit the poem and write another one, on the same theme and ignore your rhymes in the second one. What makes your poem worth the effort is the impact of your last line…that, young poet, is very well executed. It would be marvelous if you explored more of emotional, reaching for the images, the ideas that make up the emotion of this lost girl, this angelic creature who is finally at peace at rest. I would not worry about length – too short or too long, but focus on sound, textures, tastes maybe – bring as much of your soul into the line, carry as much of the senses along with your words…ok, don’t get me wrong, I really do like the poem, I just think – because the topic (content) has so much import, you would do your heart a disservice NOT to reach for more as, I think (again only an opinion here) you need to know what it is that brought this poem into existence…what your heart really wants to say, down in the deepest recesses of your fears and sorrows. If this were about you….wouldn’t you want people to weep at this reading, be transported beyond the written into the ethereal ? I know you would, it is so obvious to me, that you have more to say.
Blessings and best wishes.
~richard
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So sad but expressive. Thanks goodness that live does get better as time goes on.
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I like this poem. It reminds me of my situation and my life. The flow was good and the emotion could be felt.
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