She won’t let me listen to her,
will not let me near;
She won’t let me talk with her,
pretends she cannot hear.
I drown in deafening silence,
submerged in uncertainty;
Consumed by her reticence,
her voice could rescue me.
She won’t let me reach for her,
will not let me through;
She won’t let me love her,
though she must know that I do.
I sail in endless circles,
afloat an infinite sea;
Consumed by boundless blue,
her voice could set me free.
She won’t yet let me love her,
she keeps me far away;
But when she finally lets me love her,
from her side I'll never stray.
feel free to comment..and to read my work
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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very good
tender and sad at the same time. good job on this write.
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Very touching poem..a story of lost love ..because the other doesn't appreciate your closeness..and they only try to push you you away..as some of the comments below said to you already...and if this is personal write as it feels to me it is...you will find the right person in right time who will hear your inner voice without doubts..great job again my friend
Amarige
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Kind of a weak ending -- that last line. Not one of your great ones, this. (I expect you want an honest opinion -- it is just one person's opinion.)
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Stuck like glue huh? For if a girl was lucky enough to have someone write words that professess love so grand, how could she not hear the music in your words. I enjoyed the melody its sweet and soft Love, C
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"I sail in endless circles, afloat an infinite sea;
Consumed by boundless blue, her voice could set me free."
Sighhh...Ohhh, poor Poet...What's the matter with that girl, anyway??? This is an anguished yearning of a poem...I immediately felt such sympathy...Ehhh, maybe she'll wise up...If not, I'm sure you'll find one who DOES appreciate a good man...Lovely penning, of course, but oh, so sad...See ya...I'm at work & lunch is over now...Be well, Poet... 
Wanda
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AWW!
This is a perfect example of a closed off woman, whether she's closed off because she's afraid to love, or she's closed herself off from being hurt like every other time before. I used to be this girl. When I read this, it was like I was reading it for me five years ago. There is obviously someone that you love very dearly, and the only thing that I can say is this: Any girl would be lucky to have you.
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What a sweet sentiment you have here. I especially like the line "I sail in endless circles, afloat an infinite sea", though "afloat on an infinate sea" reads more clearly.
One issue that I see is the rhythm of the lines. You have a sort of 'quasi-meter' going on, which makes it seem more awkward than it should. In general, I think it is best to either stick to a meter, or avoid one, don't find yourself stuck somewhere inbetween
You have an obviously emotional connection to your poetry. Keep writing! -
I like this very much - a good, simple statement of how you feel, constructed well and it looks good on the page. My only worry is the grammatical inversion in the very last phrase. I know you do it to capture a rhyme, but I just get a feeling it jars a little.
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so pleased to have come across your work..
I very much enjoy that you are able to share so much emotion
Asdzaa Nadleehe
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Dia duit Mat,
Ilove the lyrics in this piece of work, i can relate to this because i can drive my husband crazy when i shut him out.
Must say that you have expressed this very gracefully in this piece.
Slán agusgrá
dolores. x
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She's Not The Rose For You
She doesn’t have any ears, she can’t comprehend;
She doesn’t come from here; she’s an illegal alien-d.
We should do a sidestep dance, create a real ballyhoo;
Grateful for the cold shoulder, her ideal may bury you.
She doesn’t have a clue, dear; she lost sight of the door;
She doesn’t value the key, though it gifts treasure galore.
We wail in shrill decibel, negating cries of banshee;
Desperate to avail, a rose be given thee.
She doesn’t value the key, she wanders in the dark;
But when ye finally embrace a rose, true love ye shall embark
[heh]
You know I love ya. [wink]
Another lovely poem, Mat. Geez. I think I'm gonna cry. One of these days you'll find your rose. A man with a heart as valiant as yours, deserves no less than true and full devotion.
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I love love the simplicity of the emotion and frustration in this and I can certainly relate 100%...I know exactly what it feels like to have someone just push push and keep pushing you away, it's crazy. I often wonder if they even realize how it is affecting the other person, or if they just can't get past their own mind...
The suggestion that her voice, something so simple and so beautiful, would be all it takes to make such a world of difference, is a very precious concept, I like that the most.
I am having a little trouble with the last line...I hate saying that and hate even more to offer suggestions but
.......it's your poem, though if it were me, I might try something like "if ever she let's me love her,..." or "if only she could accept my love,..." or something like that, you know??
The girl needs to open her eyes! Such a precious gift, love.
A beautiful poem that captures emotion wonderfully!
♥
Michele
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Love the great rhyme and repetition of chorus. Well done.
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