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WIll I or Wont I

I don't know what to say,
I think about it all day,

Can I even make it,
with my heart in the pits,

My baby inside me,
My boyfriend faraway from me,

locked up for a few months,
My heartwith him every month,

Will they take my baby,
Or will we name it Katie,

WIll I lose my boyfrined,
Or will all my torture end,

Will I ever hold her,
Will I have to bury her,

Will I see her pretty smile,
Or will she walk that lonely mile.

Author notes

Some of the fear and realities of being pregnant at 14

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • bakacoconut
    January 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Being pregnant at 14 IS a scary thing. I daresay, I hope that you do what's best for the baby. Children are difficult, but a lot of teenage parents somehow find that they are able to cope.

    Me being the grammar freak that I am, spotted a typo:
    "WIll I lose my boyfrined,
    Or will all my torture end,"
    I think it's "boyfriend", dear

    Overall, this seemed an emotional write. I hope writing it made you feel better.

    Coconut

  • Blankness666
    January 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awwww that was semi cute and semi sad. I understand your situation completely. Especially being scared about your child. My boyfriend lives about an hour and a half away from me and i see him maybe once a week. But great poem i will keep reading some of yours.


  • emmanuel balderas
    January 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I agree with merlynn i think it is a theme yet to reach it's potential, but its a good read


  • inaliel
    January 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very good poem...i hope you find what youre looking for...Have a nice day!


  • Lord Merlynn
    January 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry Im being such an ass, but I noticed another little repetition:

    My baby inside me,
    My boyfriend faraway from me,

    "My baby growing inside,
    My fears are so hard to hide,"? something like that. Of course, I'm not trying to rewrite your piece, just trying to give you some ideas to avoid the repetition of the rhymes.

  • Lord Merlynn
    January 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    very emotional and touching peice. I liked it a lot. Very deep. I hope you dont mind a little constructive critique?

    locked up for a few months,
    My heartwith him every month,

    Its a bit repetitive. Months, then repeated again in month. Maybe somethig like this?

    Locked away for a long time,
    wishing I could feel his hand in mine.?

    Still gives you the same visualization.
    Other than that little bit of repetition, the write is overall a hugely amazing piece with a nice flow. Blessed Be, and may the goddess smile upon you and yours.


  • wings of an angel
    January 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good write that you have penned here well done dear poet

1 - 7 of 7