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Lovely one

Lovely one I call you gently aside

My lips touch yours gentle giving desire

Here I lie beside my love, I abide

In his loving arms he lifts me higher still

Touch me call my name in whispers soft tones

Watch the flames rise higher into my soul love

Pull me gently to your heart, sing quietly

Call me now, in dulcet tones of control

Hold me gently to your fierce warrior heart

Keep me safe from external harm, hold me


Do not leave me, no fear you will depart

In you alone I long for sweet repose

Nature bows in wonder at your splendor sings

Knowing how you bring wonder and delight

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Trisha W
    November 3, 2008
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    lovely write...

    deep and romantic...thank you for sharing this awsome write and good luck!


  • masterblaster gold member
    January 28, 2007

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    Hi, this is very romantic and has a lovely feel sadly the iambic pentameter has a few problems, it is well worth reading poems aloud before and after we post them, by reading them aloud we often hear where there is a problem, this would be well worth working on as it could be a lovely sonnet,all the best Di


  • suseann
    January 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    My counterpart hostess gives good advice. Best of luck in the contest.


  • masterblaster gold member
    January 8, 2007
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    Hi, please check syllable count on each line should be 10 and the iambic pentameter, think, da Dum da Dum da Dum da Dum da Dum, starting each line with an unstressed word and finishing each line with a stressed word.


    • troyias
      January 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      This is my first effort at a sonnet. forgive my clumsy effort. I think I have the sylable count right now. but I thought it was right before. Iambic pentatmeter makes me crazy. Still don;t know if that's any where right


  • Shadows of wolves
    January 5, 2007

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    very very romantic write, there is a softness that just goes beyond the descriptions of words.

    Much enjoyed

    Shadows


  • Sacred Ground
    January 5, 2007
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    Lovely

    This is a very lovely wite, indeed. The picture is stunning and I love the flow and the rhythm.

  • Tsukamei
    January 5, 2007

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    A sweet picture on top, however, the images are cliche. " flames rise higher to my soul", "pull me gently to your heart", "In you alone I long for sweet repose", "Nature bows in wonder


  • BabyDut
    January 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    shows a really great talent in writing skills, I enjoyed reading your work, and very sweet thoughts. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.


  • Meet Virginia
    January 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Very passionate, very loving. Great work!


  • Spiritvision angel
    January 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write of love and the compassionate way one can feel about another connected to thier soul.


  • honey bear
    January 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    lovely

    a lovely write full of love but this is a contest for FUN writes and so it does not realy fit the needs but it is very beautifull,thank you for sharing this with us


    • troyias
      January 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      No problem I got the note and just poped it in. didn't Even read about the contest. I had just finished this one so I leapt befor I looked

      *go with God* my sister,

      Valerie

1 - 13 of 13