I grabbed the knife I once knew true,
the faithful blade that helped me through.
You always said it was wrong,
horrible in all ways.
But you, yourself, did this sin,
leaving me in tears as you sliped away.
I thought about it months after you left,
the pain still sharp and in my head.
I thought about it everytime they said your name,
blood stained into your grave.
Everything you ever did,
splited the realm in which I live.
But everytime the thought entered,
your faced entered my mind.
Your voice silky and cool,
your face happy and kind.
You begged me to stay here,
in the world I have always known.
I always stop at that point,
your smile glaring in my head.
"Thank you" you said,
giving me not thoughts again.
You are my savior and my one true love,
stopping all me thoughts and helping me live on.
Author notes
This one was hard because I am use to writing about suicide with people dying.
My name is BeyondRepair and my theme is death/suicide.
Option #1
A contest entry
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600 points, ended January 16, 2007, 22 entries
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• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ok, you followed the rules, so here goes commenting on the poem. I love how it starts, and even though there isn't any consistancy in rhythm, the flow is there. Spelling error, line 6 "slipped". third verse 2nd line "face", verse 4 line 6 "my". You have no constant rhyme scheme, and no rhythm, but once again, the flow works well enough to keep me interested until the end. What I've heard, and strongly believe, is that the ending is the most important part of the poem, and usually should take almost as long as the rest of the poem. I don't think your ending was a strong as it could have been, but I think that it's enough. Wording is key to a super successful poem, it doesn't even have to be long complicated words, but rather words that are stressed in certain spots, to keep a great flow going. Good luck
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great write looking forward to reading more of your ork good luck in the contest
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like it.
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Really sad poem... but in a good way. I like thelast stanza of this poem the most, lol. Good luck!
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This is amazing, and I love the original idea
<3333333 -
aww this is sad.
if ty ever left me you know...like the last line is how i feel about him you know *blushes It was an easy read which is good..umm very sad story OH i do have to say thanks for evntering under that topic
thanks fr enetering my contest and i will be reading the poems before I judge them
Alwaysalone09
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