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A man, A poet

I wonder why you walk so fast
to a place where peace is
hidden in winter, it's shadow
to find shallow love
you stumble, and cry make haste

In the absence of death
your lips take refined breath
your walking with a natural charm
and i wonder is it wrong
for an addiction of silver and gold to take control

Your a strong man
silent in speech
but strong in words
a writer, a poet
A man with broken arrows
shot through a lovers heart

He walks in the forest
distance in his eyes
a savage picture
holds in your mind
reckless and forbidden

lost and hidden
tripped and trodden
a man of dreams
a man of words on the written page
a man, a poet, a love soul, a man with an arrow

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • tears.of.silence
    April 7

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    hmm very interesting. I liked the poem but i kind of got lost within it; this poem has made a 17 on wow points. You have a total of 77 points. Great work and thanks for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. kahy


  • darlintlc silver member
    August 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job!! This poem speaks to the poet in us all...

    Favorite part:

    "Your a strong man silent in speech but strong in words a writer, a poet"

    Thanks for entering
    darlintlc


  • TheDemonEve
    May 9, 2008

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    There is a strength and bold character to your writing, and yet it is a silent strength that makes the piece irresistible. I really liked this one.

    Best of luck and thanks for entering!


  • Nam
    May 23, 2007

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    "hidden in winter, it's shadow"

    "its" I believe would be "its". But, in reading the line with the next "it's shadow" doesn't seem to coincide with the next line, therefore: it doesn't make sense.

    Also, at the end: "and cry make haste" doesn't seem grammatically correct, either.

    The piece as a whole seems too long. You seem to repeat yourself more than once and causes an undo repetition throughout.


  • Cavca
    May 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I like the idea. The imagery is really well done. Good luck to you.


  • Silent.enigma
    May 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good write. thanks for entering and good luck.


  • HerbalGoat
    May 19, 2007

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    This poem was and is certainly entered in a numerous amount of contests. I am astonished that it does not say that it won anything, for this poem is highly profound and deep.

  • Unowhatthesis4
    May 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this, thank you. The first line, "I wonder why you walk so fast" and the last line, "a man with an arrow," could really wonderfully apply to any poet.

    The first stanza is really great -- the image of the first three lines is really strong and I appreciate how "shadow" subtly stlips to "shallow."

    I also really like how the broken arrows in the third stanza (referring to past events) sets up the final line in which you're saying, "I'm ready to do it all over again." :-


  • yourbentangel
    April 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A man with a stunning voacabulary and tender heart. This was really beautiful. Wonderful write. Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.


  • KnightOfTheRose gold member
    April 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    "a man of words on the written page
    a man, a poet, a love soul, a man with an arrow" wow that was soooooooooooooooo good! I really enjoyed it!!! there was sooo much amazing imagery in this piece I really enjoyed it!!!! excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!!



    -Steve-

  • disparate
    February 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "A man with broken arrows
    shot through a lovers heart

    He walks in the forest
    distance in his eyes" I loved the imagery in this.. and I could just feel this. I love poetry that's touching in some way, it draws you in and makes you relate and feel and just want to read more.

    Poets are often tortured souls.. especially by love. A beautiful write, well done.

    Thanks for entering, best of luck in the contest and I'm really sorry about the delay in commenting.


  • GuardianPhoenix7289
    January 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    OOoooOOoOOooOOoo

    I liked this one alot!!! I am really at a loss for words! I am not sure what to say, but it is really good though!!! You described this poet so well... good job and good luck!!!

  • Gypsy-at-Heart
    January 17, 2007

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    Brilliant piece. Loved the use of imagery throughout. The comparison of speech and words as well made it feel like a deep insight into this man. I also like the way your tense changed, one moment you're talking to the reader about this man, the next you're talking to your character and it brings across a great effect. Great work.

  • stephanieskittle
    January 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is a lovely poem. The flow from word to word was just amazing, and I really enjoyed reading it in all. Especially around the second stanza. Good luck with your writing and keep up the good work! - Stephanie


  • Rose Petals
    January 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good write and very profound. Keep it up! Good luck and thanks for entering!

1 - 15 of 15