Subtle swallows slightly sweep
Weeping willows rarely weep
Puffy pillows help me sleep
and no one knows it's you.
Bluebirds never bleed what's blue
Lies are words that aren't true
Stones are seeds that never grew
but I know why the owls "who"
they who their "who's" for you.
Ravens rage when locked inside
Storms bring winds I cannot ride
But in my heart, the river's wide
and though my seams may slash askew
of all these things I ever knew
I'm sure of this, I'm sure of you.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Done quite well
Now see, i've seen weeping willows weep. I liked that man -
I read this, contented with your usual creative rhythm and imagrey, and then was utterly blown away by the simplicity and assuredness of the last three lines. Great write.
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I really enjoyed this. There were only two things I didn't like, and they were the lines, "but I know why the owls 'who', they who their who's for you." These two lines, particularly the first, don't quite seem to fit the rhythm of the preceeding lines. all you need to do is add a word or two to both and everytyhing will be perfect. All in all this is beautiful, superb. Good! - oce
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i love the alliteration
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Made me say, "GAWD!"
It's just that good! What an easy and pleasant read this was. This is both extremely clever and heartfelt. I haven't seen a poem end with such a great last line in a very long time. This one is truly a keeper.
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