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presence


turbulent veins tugged at,
tenderly tickled colourfully
in blinding bliss

sense and sensibility

immediately lost within
depths of a thumping heart

trembling lips teethed;
world's worthy wordsmiths
bankrupt in your presence

as mind's key frame
resists continuity from threats
of a moment's passing

 

 

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • diddly-squit
    November 24, 2007

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    I really dont know what to make of this poem at all, its not bad but i cant deside if i like it or not. It made me feel something but i'm sorry this poem im stuck on. My favorate stanza in this poem is
    sense and sensibility
    immediately lost within
    depths of a thumping heart
    Simply beautiful. x


  • Nicolette gold member
    January 16, 2007

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    This poem links well with the contest theme and the Camus-quote as so often we wish we could stretch the beauty of someone’s presence. I liked the line “resists continuity from threats” – well-written indeed. There were a few spelling mistakes – e.g. “moments” in stead of “moment’s” – that did distract something from the poem’s value. As someone who loves alliteration I did appreciate the very nice touch of alliteration in this poem – especially in the first, 2nd and 4th stanza.

    Thank you for this entry and good luck in the contest!

    ~ Nicolette

  • Suzanne Dia
    January 16, 2007

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    Mmmmm..yummy alliteration. I love it when poetry teases my tongue and tempts me to read it out loud because of the way the letters trip and tie into each other. Very nice.


  • RomanticHeart
    January 5, 2007

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    I Like

    I think this poem has volume.It truly is a good piece. THe imagery and wording provides a depth to who you are as a poet,and the talent that you hold. I think my favorite verse (stanza) in you poem is this

    sense and sensibility
    immediately lost within
    depths of thumping hearts

    that to me just brought a lot of depth...Keep penning... Good luck in the contest!
    HerPoeticVoice