as the tears fall from my eyes
I step outside to the garden
where the flowers reach up to the sky
they can feel the rain coming
the birds fly off to dryer ground
as the clouds come in to close
my eyes blurry, my ears block out sound
as I collapse on the ground like a wilted rose
the thunder roars in the distance I hear
the air is damp and muggy now
my crying echoes, i see my tears
the rain starts coming down
soaking through my dress and hair
hard it falls, hard it falls
I won't get up as I'm lying there
though in the distance, it's you that calls
but I won't come inside now
I won't, no matter how hard you try
I'll stay out here all my life now
because when it rains, nobody can see you cry..
A contest entry
- Watching the rain by Nereida Nightshade.
313 points, ended January 6, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Don't Know by Pollycheck.
450 points, ended April 29, 2007, 137 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rain. Rain. Rain. by rosie4491.
450 points, ended August 7, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
This is a most wonderful pen! I love the imagery. Best of luck.
Keep it up =] -
Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. You have done a good job in painting some very nice images with your words. I did however notice some minor typos.
the birds fly off to dryer ground
as the clouds come in to close
Should be:
the birds fly off to drier ground
as the clouds come in too close
my crying echoes, i see my tears
Should be:
my crying echoes, I see my tears
-
there goes the march of a brave little toaster
very well written poem
excellently wrote *dances with gir* its 4:20AM I wanna go home 
grrr well i must make this brief I think there's still more poems of yours I haven't commented on. Quickly to the comment-mobile, away
-
A lovely, tragic poem. Fits the theme of a melancholy rainy day perfectly - good job!
-
very well done did you do the option with the qoute? The rhyme is this poem flows great it isn't stressed or anything. The imagery is good as well and the metaphors great! Thanks for entering and best of luck!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
