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A Yarn Of Agony

 

 

It prickles, it itches

It's driving me insane

I quietly sit and suffer

not wanting to complain

 

It scratches, it chafes

I fidget and I squirm

My fortitude is weakening

I really must stay firm

 

 It bristles, it burns

I'm one big pool of wet

Choking in this cabled fuzz

I backstroke in my sweat

 

It's hellish, it's acid

I think of homicide

This wooly piece of torture

choked me as I lied...

 

"Oh, it's comfy, it's warm

I couldn't hope for better

Thank you mom, I love it

this gorgeous hand-made sweater"

 

 

 

~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

for those who cannot wear wool

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Comments

1 - 56 of 56

  • Ellis gold member
    December 20, 2007

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    This is the typical Christmas gift
    we all delight to get
    Always feel we get short-shift
    but never tell, you bet!

  • capslockcute
    August 11, 2007
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    haha, very clever. great buildup to the ending. interesting rhymes, great meter. loved it! so true.


  • Meridian
    July 12, 2007

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    Brilliant!

    Yep the good old hand-made sweater, not only did it make you look like a dork, but it itched something chronic!!! And why do moms think you're able to push your head through such a small collar!? I'd have to wrench mine onto my head and then have a panic attack trying to get the damn thing off! Oh those were the days... not! Loved this one Wil and the galfalfa wool pain scale is just brilliant. Another winner *hugs*


  • sublimewriter
    June 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    hahaha

    i think that this should be on every sweater. it's more understandable than the 10% acryllic and yada yada yada stuff on how to wash what


  • Endeavor gold member
    April 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Very Good


    I understand
    I can only were wool over silk
    My sweaters are all lined
    They make neat decorations on my closet shelves
    Great writing

    Rick


    • galfalfa gold member
      April 28, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Hi Rick,

      Thanks so much for the comment and the applause - glad you enjoyed!
      I notice i keep slipping off your favourites list and you keep readding me..must be a glitch eh?
      Anways i do appreciate you checking this out, loved your comment,

      galfalfa


  • panegyric ink
    February 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    hahahahahaha, simply adored this!!!!!!!


  • Bazza
    February 17, 2007

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    Never had that problem so cant comment but I love the happy go lucky plucky style on this poem and the nice happiness it brings with it ... made me feel warm by inference ... maybe wool on the skin .. is that the problem ??? Poems that give a giggle are too few and far between I am afraid, so keep it up, take it off and write some more.


    • galfalfa gold member
      February 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      LOL...that can only mean one thing - wearing wool doesnt bother your skin...not unless you've not worn wool before.
      Thanks for checking this out and for the applause,

      galfalfa


  • Touchof1der silver member
    February 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can sooo relate to this! I had a dress one time that was made of the same material as sweater and I wore it to a business function... Lord how I wanted to rip that sucker off 45 minutes into the evening. Maybe I should have... I might have gotten a bigger Christmas bonus. Thanks for the giggles AND for letting me know I'm not alone.
    ♥ Touchof1der


    • galfalfa gold member
      February 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      LOL..just rereading this...a wool dress must have had you scratching all over A sweater is bad enough.,
      Thanks for the comment and applause Kimberly,

      galfalfa


  • Sarah957
    February 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You never fail to make me smile. Thanks!
    Question- if the wool sweater is wool free after 8 hours, what then are you wearing?


  • manoguru
    February 2, 2007

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    it is always gladdening to read poems as these in this site infested with sad, depressing, suicidal poems. keep it up. we need more of it.


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    January 25, 2007

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    wool is stuff gettin' even for just everything

    my favorite is if you have a wool sweater and for ssome reason somebody thinks is ok topay u on yer neck with just a bit of jam.....
    oh boy, and and if u gett those murder chills jest from the sheer horror of what is happening to ya, an u can't do anything about the making you into a slobbering homicidal maniac 'cause yer friends tied u to a chair for fun jest fer awhile, and went for some pizza but forgot u had on a wool.... and and then there's the time a space ship guy grabbed me when i haad a wool scarf on and screechd like a banshee an' just scuttled off into theair.... i hate wool. ,,,Danni oh gaawwwd


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      wool is stuff gettin' even for just everything

      Hiya Danni,

      LOL, thank you for sharing your horrific wool experiences and for the applause,

      galfalfa


  • raspberry Greeters member
    January 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Sweet and warm

    This is a nice little poem gal.. I can feel the warmth floating around.. soo lively. I enjoyed this dear.. Love you gal U r a sweetie pie..


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Sweet and warm

      awwww thank you raspberry for the comment and applause ..luv you back and so glad you enjoyed this,

      galfalfa

  • panegyric ink
    January 21, 2007
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    Very Original!!!!!!


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 21, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      LOL..thank you for the very original comment, glad you enjoyed Appreciate it!


      galfalfa


  • Balldinger silver member
    January 16, 2007

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    Letter to a sweater...

    I must not go out
    You can not stay
    I'd rather be naked
    Than be caught this way

    In a woolen sweater
    deflecting the wind,
    the torture itself
    is enough to send me...

    to a sheep's fleeced hell!


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Letter to a sweater

      Thanks for your comment and applause ed, certainly a end of the day brightener for me ...a tad under the weather here but i certainly enjoyed your letter to a sweater,

      galfalfa


  • Ogreatbaldone gold member
    January 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    great stuff

    gal, loved this bit of humoruos insight to homemade wool sweaters, glad you didnt send me one of those for xmas, got your card yesterday and the pins, thanks so much especially for the leafs keychain, although they have sucked for many years and havent won a cup since the year i was born, I remain a leafs fan at heart...peace Terry


  • Legend silver member
    January 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What is it with mothers and knitting My dear old mother used to knit me two every year One for my birthday and one for Christmas. I never had the heart to tell her That the day she gave them to me was the only time i had them on.I am sure she thought my arks were six inches shorter than they were.But she loved knitting so it was a pleasure to see her happy doing it. My Now on to the poem once more you have provided this reader with a big smile I do so love humour in poetry , as i think I have said before.and you always do it so well Excellent a joy to read


  • Sherry gold member
    January 11, 2007

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    So do you really love it or just pretend you do LOL to be nice?

    ;) ;)


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I love all the work and the thought that went into it but the scratching of the wool i could do without

      thanks for checking this out Sherry,

      appreciate it!

      galfalfa


  • Mr C
    January 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Mothers are great- mine died recently. She went through this knitting phase as well. Luckily, it was my sister that benefitted from macrame dresses when she was young- and old enough to hate them.
    Keep writing!


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for checking this out...appreciate you taking the time to comment and thank you for the applause as well

      galfalfa

  • mama-drama
    January 9, 2007
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    i love the simplicity and the mystery in the poem. Got me thinking so hard then........shock on me!

    • galfalfa gold member
      January 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I love shock factor

      thanks for reading and commenting,


      galfalfa

  • mama-drama
    January 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very funny..........creative!

  • oneluckygirl
    January 5, 2007

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    That's MY Girl!!

    I was imagining you knitting FOR someone. A great twist in expectations to discover the truth. Your scale of course adds a great twist. Oh how I hated that scale when I was in the hospital. I certainly would have loved to put MY own descriptions on them.


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      That's My Girl

      Hey look who it is...my partner in crime, my cohort, my fellow hooligan and sock waltzing partner
      Thanks for the comment and applause Janey - hey the scale is yours anytime you need it...just tell me what you want it to read

      galf


  • Deliverance
    January 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmm, sounds like a Christmas present from hell. Once again, you have provened(?) that you are the alpha (Galfalfa alpha?) female of comedy. Very very funny and true! Chris


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thanks for reading and commenting Chris, most appreciated! Glad you enjoyed it,

      galfalfa


  • Blut Rot
    January 5, 2007

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    Yes!

    We have all received those terribly uncomfortable sweaters. For us it was Vests, hand knitted nasty vests.
    And every time grandma came over we had to wear them. Blahhhh.lol. Another fantastic write. What else can I say? You are very talented.


  • majix
    January 5, 2007

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    Wild and Wooly

    Ho, if you think that's bad, me mother couldn't knit and we had to wear sheep sewn to us. I, being the oldest, wore a large ram that made it look like I was being humped. Still, t'was better then me brother who had to wear hand-me-down sheep. He still has a bad twitch from that...

    This is such a warm tale in more than one sense of the word. Love your mind Gal... keep it warm


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Wild and Wooly

      You were forced to wear nuttin but a mutton?
      That explains why you've a hoof in your mouth... Hoof'n mouth...get it?
      Loved your comment..sure had me giggling

      thank you,

      galfalfa

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    January 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    gal,you are hucking filarious,oh boy this was not only funny but loved the surprize twist at the end,always a bonus for me,loved this,thankyou for the huge grin I now have,love and light,Yvette


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 4, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Yvette - glad you enjoyed this - my mom was famous for her wooly knitted sweaters ..when young we were forced to wear them and when we became adults we forced ourselves to wear them
      Loved your comment

      galf


  • HeliumJones
    January 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hahah, oh what lovely hand made gifts we recieve! great humor and flow. I pretty much loved all of it, but there was something about the "It scratches, it chafes" stanza that I didn't care for... But, it still sounded fine... Great job as always! Always right there with a laugh!


    • galfalfa gold member
      January 4, 2007
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      thanks so glad you enjoyed it..sorry about that one stanza rubbing you the wrong way..could be my material

      thanks for commenting, appreciate it,

      galfalfa


  • Kari gold member
    January 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oo I needed a laugh and got a great one here "life is good! " I loved all that was mentioned there lol great job!

    Kari


  • individuality gold member
    January 4, 2007

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    i want some wool now. it is lovely and warm. but not good in a storm for then it goes all soggy. spill wool over my nuptuals and twist me into the crazy shape of a knitted jumper...


  • WelshDragon
    January 4, 2007

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    Perfect

    G...This is as good as they get.Perfect balance, flow, rhyme, and an hilarious (and unfortunately believable) story line.. Superb. 10/10


  • Floorboards
    January 4, 2007

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    heeheehee, yes very funny, i didn't have a clue what on earth this was about until the very end.nice rhyme and rhythm too,
    very well done,
    floorboards


  • faderman1959
    January 4, 2007

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    Great fun!

    Gal I can totally relate to this one! I'm allergic to wool so this really had me laughing. I would be at 10 as soon as I put it on! Thanks for a fun read.


  • DesertRose1
    January 4, 2007

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    okaayy! i HATE woolen sweaters.. you've described it so well!! great job and keep up the good work!

    DesertRose


  • masterblaster gold member
    January 4, 2007

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    Hi, I needed a laugh this afternoon, it has been one of those days, great my friend you always bring me a smile when I most need it, great fun, happy new year and may it be filled with joy, Di


  • ShaShay
    January 4, 2007
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    Amusing

    LOL WHat a sweet piece. You should be a writer for "Look Who's Talking".


  • Xxxxxxxxx
    January 4, 2007

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    Scathing Delight

    lol, first i thought thiswasa tri[p to the dentist
    love the scale, classic...oh and the poem is great too.

    -cheers


  • leo2
    January 4, 2007

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    Thanks for the chuckles. Your wit and wisdom came in so handy this morning. I loved the rhyme and rhythm of this piece. What won't we do to please our parents?

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long

  • hose30
    January 4, 2007

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    great write.At first I thought it was something else.But I like the way you ended it. Great thinking. I think youhave something here. Good write . keep up the great writing.


  • Mary Nagy
    January 4, 2007

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    This cracked me up! I can totally relate! I love humor in poetry and this is right up my alley. Thanks for the laugh this morning! Sincerely, Mary

    By the way... came through your main page not the feature.


  • Elrenia
    January 4, 2007

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    Great! This is outstanding. And, it helps that I am allergic to wool, so I can really relate. The only think I can wear is a lambswool blend with polyester (which I think I am also allergic to).

    The rhyme and flow here are wonderful. As usual, you bring out the worse of your subject.

    Thank you for sharing.

    rous


  • heartnsoul
    January 4, 2007

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    OMG!!!!!!! This is a hoot!! I love it. I love the scale, hey, you know...if you make this an adhesive label kids all over the world would buy them!! I wonder if wool sweaters isn't a method of parents revenge? My mom would by woolie underthings for winter. so me....i'd take the sweater any day!
    ~Michelle~

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