You were shaking as i held you
As your brought your lips to mine
Looked up and said "i've wanted you like this so bad
For the longest time"
And the flattery kept coming
You liked to think i was evolved
Only to find me missing this imagined wisdom
At twenty two years old
You held me up as i did you
Expectation taken to dizzy heights
Only to have each of us brought down a peg
After each and every fight
You came to see me as i am
Pathetic - insecure
And your once warm eyes slowly turned to ice
You threw me to the floor
Spitting rage and frustration
Your hands around my neck
We both grew needy of such passion
Neither of us finished yet
So we both stayed as we craved our freedom
Complete destruction was our game
The depths of love and depths of anger
Neither of us willing to be tamed
As so we let it run right through us
Until it had run it's course
And now we're left as strangers
Thrown to our seperate corners by this ambivalent force
Author notes
This is about a lot of firsts for me. Certainly the first time i found my self in such an intense relationship, and the first time i was really in love.
A contest entry
- January New Members Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended February 15, 2007, 120 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - how far?? by onapedestalIstand.
300 points, ended May 6, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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very cute..thanks for your entery..sarah
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Welcome to AllPoetry
A very intense scene is been painted here. Your poem has a good flow however the rhythm is broken somewhat during the course of this poem.
Let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary -
Welcome to All Poetry!
Passionate to say the least, I enjoyed the intensity of this poem. Thanks for your little authors comment that gave this that extra personal touch
Thank you for entering the contest
I wish you luck and welcome you to All Poetry!
abscessed
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I can relate
This poem made me tear up a bit. Those first relationships can be so tough. It's hard to experience. Thanks for sharing something so personal. -
Thank you for sharing this good write. I like the rhyming. Maybe you should capitalize the "I"s in this poem because you also started all lines with caspital letters. Would make better reading. Other than that, well done.
Welcome to AP, I wish you lots of luck in the contest!
Keep up the great work!
Annie 
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AWESOME!!!
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Thank you for your entry and welcome to Allpoetry!
This is a very intense poem, that evoked a lot of emotion in me. My heart raced a little faster as I read the poem and my breath got quick until the end.
Brilliant write. I have been in this situation before. Sometimes it isn't the best place to be....
In your first stanza, the second line you have "your" rather then "you" and in your last stanza I think "as" should be "and."
Good luck in the contest
Faerie
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This reminds me alot of the NickelBack song, "i guess i stuck around, so i could watch us fight for all the wrong reasons... it didn't matter what we said cause we were good in bed..."
I don't really like that song, but the push, pull, back and forth emotions of this kind of a relationship, can resemble a relationship that is sometimes good, but built on wrong reasons.
Anywho, I enjoyed this, I wish you the best in the contest, and welcome to AllPoetry. If you ever have a poem that you need a comment on, send me the link, and I would be glad to stop back by!
-shirley- -
thanks and welcome to the site!
Thank you for entering this for the contest. realtionships are often very intense,especialy the first ones, I really liked the kind of emotions you had in this, sometimes all of them when felt for the first time are so intense that they color all relationships afterward, but it teaches us as well..
this stanza stands out to me i this as one of the best in the piece.. :
So we both stayed as we craved our freedom
Complete destruction was our game
The depths of love and depths of anger
Neither of us willing to be tamed
I really liked it..
thanks again and welcome to AP..
Krystal
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
It is quite sad how love can turn around over time. Intensity in a relationship is not always as good a thing as we anticipate it to be. I think you do a good job of expressing the initial elation of a relationship and how things can transpire as time passes. A scenario that many will relate to.
Best of luck in the contest and, once more, welcome to the site.
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Thanks for the entry and welcome to the site!
“And now we’re left as strangers”. Wow, that line has a lot of punch to it. I like this poem, it sounds as though it has came from deep within. Nice work! Thank you very much for taking the time to write for` and enter our contest. Best wishes and welcome to AllpoetryDove
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This has a really beautiful title/first line, and it drew me in straight away, so good choise there. I'm not one for rhyme usually, but it worked in this one. Very nice!
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oh it's you... the one with that poem i liked. lol thanks for the comment. i'm not a huge fan of rhyme either. well sometimes i am and sometimes i'm not, but i wrote that one just for the comp and when i write just off the top of my head it's usually in ryhming couplets just because sometimes something with a little form is easier to knock up quickly. well anyway, just thought i'd say cheers for the comment. And again that poem i commented on of yours... wow... i did really really like it. cheers chrysler
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Thanks for entering
Very intense and sad that your firsts had to end in such a way. The flow and structure are good and allow for easy readability and you rhyme is pretty good.
Good luck in the contest and welcome to allpoetry.
God Bless
Tammy
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