1.The way you touch me,
the way you feel me in your arms
It mortifies me,
how close we are
I wish I could lose touch with time
and simply fade away into our love
2.Your eyes,
your lips - your skin
all mine
I can't believe it,
I have such beauty within my life
3.Seduce me,
woo me,
breathe me - take me
baby I'm all yours,
have me
(chorus first and second part)
4.Baby,
I want your loving hand upon me
touching me,
feeling me
Just take me girl,
I'm all yours to have
I know you want it girl,
don't hesitate - you know we'll last
(chorus third part)
5.What do you think about us?
we're always together,
and very much into each other
I like you girl,
I like your style
it excites me
wanting you to feel me
(chorus fourth part)
(chorus second part)
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Some applause
Cos i forgot
-
Thank you baby
yes you are right this is better than you last song.... i can hear the rhythm in my head as i read it. Well done
this is also much better english. your work grows in leaps and bounds everyday!
okay now for the constructive bit! *sneaks a quick kiss before getting to work*
the way you feel me in your arms
- the way I feel in your arms
I wish if I could lose touch with time
- Would be better as either
a. I wish that I could lose touch with time
b. I wish I could lose touch with time
I have such beauty within my life
- I have such beauty in my life
(within = inside of you)
we'r always together,
- we're always together,
and very much into eachother
- and very much into each other (seperate words)
it eagers me
- not quiet correct use of word, I am eager no it eagers me.
a. it makes me eager
b. it excites me, wanting you to feel me
c. I am eager
d. I can't deny, wanting you to feel me
the reason i did such a long crit on this is because it is so beautiful.... you went to so much work writing it, I think it deserves every bit of my attention.
I love the last 2 lines of the first paragraph
"I wish if I could lose touch with time
and simply fade away into our love"
They are simply beautiful.
Well written love
xXx
Phed -
-
RP:Thank you baby
I usually struggle to be able to write with rhythm, so ty for the lovely comment
"kisses back" muah
First point: I have a reason why I put it up like that which u'll know what shortly
Second point: fixed it ty
Third point: (within = inside of you) exactly babe!
<--goes to first point also
Fourth point: I forgot to put the e, so ty xD
Fifth point: I used to think -before- that they'r on word, so I got used to putting them together as one even though I know now from long enough that they're separate.. so ty
Sixth point: fixed it
-
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