In a mental, physical, and emotional way
I live with pain every day
To look at me you would never know
No signs at all do I show
But if you could hear my thoughts and mental cries
You would see how daily, my spirit dies
In dealing with pain, no joy do I find
But I can live with the physical kind
With emotional pain I've learned to cope
Because in love I place no hope
Mental pain though, I just cant handle
Its burning me down like a candle
Now they've come together,my 3 forms of pain
And they're driving sanity from my brain
I'm still holding on but I'm growing weak
I've no choice now, your help I'll seek
Like a wounded dog, I'll cry and yelp
Get on my knees and beg for help
Gone now is my foolish pride
I desperately need you by my side
If these cries should fall on open ears
You could teach me to put aside my fears
Maybe with your help I could heal
Start living a life happy and real
But if your apathy wont allow you to halt
I will end my life and seal this vault
And if you're thinking, surely I jest
Just ignore this, my last request
A contest entry
- Your Best Pre-write of 2007 by Metaphorist.
900 points, ended January 4, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Wow, this is very deep. I've actually been feeling this way a lot. It's strange how we can feel such unbelievable pain and no one around us seems to notice at all. This is a great write.
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Overall, a good write- well structured and I appreciated the glimmers of hope towards the end. But in some areas, the rhyme felt forced.
Anyways, thanks for entering. Good luck in my contest and in the new year! -
this is an amazing poem... and i love the ending...
its true, when we have that someone's help, we can overcome any obstacle that blocks our way... but if they choose to ignore our plea for help, it gives strength to the pain and only intensifies the pain we feel.
and the last two lines... "and if you're thinking, surely i jest... just ignore this, my last request"
i like this line alot, it reminds me that people, even if they think they wish us harm, actually dont.. and when they see life start to eat away at us, they realize everything they did to us was wrong, and then they have to life with that guilt
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I love the first lines of this write. They're so emotional. Also, the last line really fits in and ties in and wraps up everything very well. I love it! ♥ Erin
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Wow.
That was amazing and so beautifully written. And I know this poem is no laughing matter, but a couple of the lines sounded like they were written by Yoda [lol] Anyways, I adore this poem, and I think everyone can relate to it at one time or another in there live. And what really caught my attention was the first two lines, I thought it was really differnt. My favorite part is the last line, or the last two I should say [the last two lines seem to always be my favorite] because they are so powerful, but the two lines before the last two lines are also amazing, if that makes sense. So many kudos to you for such a great job, and keep up the good work! -
Transcend All
"It's burning me down like a candle" I've often wondered if only people knew what's going on under this grin while they speak to me. What will i do if right here right now I burn out to the wick and drop to my knees. i you think they would walk away, I do. I teared up the further in I got because my pain could sympathize. Even in love pain is lonely and dark, it changes who we are. I'm grateful that you decided to share a bit of yourself, your pain your need for comfort and help. I hope in you journey you find relief!
namaste'
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This is a very good poem it shows so much emotion .I can understand your thoughts very well as i struggle with the same issues.As bad as it once was i hope it gets better for you and me and thoose who struggle everyday
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You have really captured the essence of pain, all kinds. Living with pain 24/7 I know what you mean by being able to live with it. It is amazing what people can learn to live with. But some pain doesn't show and yet it does the worst damage. You did another amazing job with this.
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wow. so much emotion. so simple and yet I think a lot of people relate with this. I know what you mean with the mental pain being the worst. I sincerely hope this is an artistic piece and not reality.
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No signs at all do I show
But if you could hear my thoughts and mental cries
You would see how daily, my spirit dies
In dealing with pain, no joy do I find
But I can live with the physical kind
With emotional pain I've learned to cope
Because in love I place no hope
Mental pain though, I just cant handle
this is a very electryfying marvaleous piece and i am honored to have crossed paths with such great words. -
WOW!!!!!
Excellent write!!!!
So emotional and wow...im speechless. I myself hate hearing this but i sort of know what youre going through like all of the stuff going on in your head, but who am i to talk i dont even know you, nether the less excellent piece, it has good flow and it really drags you in to keep reading on.
Keep Up The Good Work!!!!
Beck
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i loved this poem. it's deep but not too hard to read into. i can really connect with what you are getting at. good job and keep it up.
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Wicked
Damn. THats very heartfelt, I know the feeling well. Very agonizing piece. As for the structure iself, very good, flows well. The rhymes don't soundsforced; skillfulness of you. :3 -
Wow
Did you write this for me? It seems like it is something I am saying to Angie everyday in my mind
Brilliantly put, I can feel your despair
lisa
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