Grounds forgotten, frozen in time
Death surrounds no reason or rhyme
All now lost one seeks a place
Of warmth but gone is this space
Trenches of snow safe but cold
Wishing to go though growing old
Those around die off slowly
Those alive are all but holy
And the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
The soldier no rights
Does he hold
The soldier out of sight
To those still at home
Yet the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
Grounds warming, melting ice
Streams forming, returning mice
Defrosting bodies still surround
Few now living won't make a sound
Corpses smelling piled above
The trench's edge without gloves
Fear still dwells deep within them
Burning like hell through each limb
And the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
The soldier no rights
Does he hold
The soldier out of sight
To those still at home
Yet the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
Grounds now burning skin on all
Fire surrounding while soldiers crawl
Corpses multiply creating shields
No telling what's across the fields
Thirst unbearable fought within
Their minds are lost and start to spin
Flies take over like a plague
Hope now dwindles becoming vague
Yet the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
The soldier no rights
Does he hold
The soldier out of sight
To those still at home
And the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
Ground cooling but merely fooling
Those still left face more grueling
Challenges ahead while death spreads
Pleading with God they lose their heads
Only one still left alive
Fighting hard but why survive?
No hope for rescue abandoned now
But make it through he must somehow
Forsaken by man
Forsaken by God
Forsaken by all who once he loved
Forsaken now he rises above
Above the bodies above the grave
A mission now in hopes to save
A shred of honor
For those who died
So the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
The soldier no rights
Does he hold
The soldier out of sight
To those still at home
Yet the soldier still fights
Forsaken and alone
Forsaken and alone
Author notes
This is my first song.... about the fear and anguish of a soldier spending a year in a trench on a battlefield until only he lives, using what strength he has left he Stands and Fights for what he believes in.
For the contest: FREEDOM WARRIORS
A contest entry
- ~~~QUEST FOR POWER 3(Round 1)~~~ by phoenixonfire.
300 points, ended January 15, 2007, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - World of War by Lively Matter.
1200 points, ended April 15, 2007, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever the fuck you want III by Nam.
345 points, ended March 29, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING!! PREWRITES ALLOWED!! by Angierie.
425 points, ended March 29, 2007, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - WOW Me 2 by Lactar Wolfgang.
425 points, ended April 1, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark and Sad by VaioXHailey.
300 points, ended April 6, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round Contest!! Anything goes this first round. by FightOffYourDemons.
300 points, ended April 7, 2007, 47 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments greatly appreciated!!!!
Comments
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awesome
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Damn this is amazing. I must say I love it. It is truly amazing
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Superb. I see you've got a lot of trophies for this one!
Well deserved. Excellent write. Thanks for your entry.
By the way, my brother, Diddashn, is sick, so I am now your judge. He just asked me to judge this contest, and I hope to get it done today. Thanks for your entry and patience. -
i would like to congratulate you on the gold trophy in this contest. viyanna rosemarie
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Thank You Very Much!!!
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Oh Wow. Oh god I don't even know what to say. This is so good. I usually get pretty annoyed with poems that are this long but this just captures you and reels you in so far that you totally forget how long it is and you just want it to keep going. You really have amazed me with this. It is so raw and so good. It really expresses emotions. I mean it is such a good poem about war but it also seems like a metaphor for anyone who is struggling to fight for what they believe in. It's just so real.
The rhyme is amazing too. It flows and slips easy of the tongue. And the imagery is just wowing. I love this.
Thanks
Nikki
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ow interesting but to pray to thow god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so thanx for entering
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Thank you for your contest submission, however I am going to comment and then remove it from the contest. I am doing so as it is a little too realistically gory for this contest. It is a good piece and well written, but I had thought I had made that point clear, my apologies if not, and feel free to enter another piece if you wish! Best of luck in this and all of your endeavors.
Hetohke'e * 
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yea i was worried it might be... sry about that... and yes u made it very clear i just hoped u wouldn't think it was that bad... again sry for being a bother...
~Angel
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wow! This poem was amazing! It had such a powerful message, and was written so vividly! I am very impressed with this poem!
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great poem I was moved for I was a sailor for 8 yrs and that is how it feels at times alone and forgotten. Great way of capturing the feeling of the solderat times.
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wowo very good i like it its a new perspective on war
i like it well done -
You have punctuation (commas) in one verse, yet none in the others. Either all or none, I say.
This was too long. If this is a song as you state, then you should have a "chorus" stated, and perhaps a repeat of it when it's supposed to be repeated.
It just drags too much causing undo repetition which makes it drag and become boring, in essence.
-Nam -
BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED THIS! I don't know the tune of this so i couldn't sing it, to bad you couldn't sing it for us , but I loved the rhyming and the flow in this poem was incredible, Almost makes me wish I could write like this half the time though I dunno what to write, Thank you soooo much for entering this contest and good luck, btw you forgot to put *freedom warriors* in your poem, which was required in the rules but it doesn't matter.
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my bad... i put it in the author box
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OK thanks, it was just to make sure everybody at least tryed to follow the rules, otherwise it would mean that they didn't even read the rules, and just clicked entered and continued and that makes me mad it was just to make sure you read the rules.
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np i rread them but i forgot to add it to the prewrite is all...
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A very good piece indeed!
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Deep
These are some very deep and emotional lyrics, that I am sure the soldeirs in Iraq can relate too, great write, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
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Wow, this was awesome... very emotional and very well written. Congratulations on the trophy, you deserved it (if not better)
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Wow that's awesome.... it's really good i was completely glued to it!
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Great write
Definitely good enough for the trophey you earned, should have prolly done alot better. Great poem and song. You had me through the whole way. And the entire thing had me thinkin about the soldier and how he was forsaken. Great job!!!
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not surprised you got a trophy in the contest. A very well writtern poem. Well done it is very well writtern and your rhyming schemes are fantastic
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i got so into the poem/song that my reading got so emotional, and my voice got louder and faster. I was reading it as though i was the soldier and everthing; every emotion, was uncontrolable. thanks for the read!
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Very deep and patriotic. I loved it. You can almost see the soldier in his attempts to keep going.
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Congrates
Congrates Chris you finally won a contest. Great job! I know you will win many more. Again it was a great song.
Your friend,
Heather -
that was really cool!!
I like the tone of the whole set up! Sounds so cool and dark!! The flow gives me way tingling sensation...maybe ur display of emotions is really good!! Thanks for entering and good luck!!
ur host
preets
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Awsome!!
I loved it. Honestly and truthfully loved it. -
appealing
I lked this song and thought that it was very well written. I like how you repeated the chorus. I know that your supposed to, but you seemed to do it at the right time. I don't like the part where you say that the soldier is forsaken by God however, cause I disagree. lol But then again thats personal opinion. But isn't this what commenting is all about? There was one line that kinda stuck out like a sore thumb...
Few now living won't make sound
It probably would sound better if you did
Few now living won't make a sound.
It seems to help flow into the sound better. But its up to you.
Great job!
Ashley
ps. God would never forsake anyone. Especially a soldier.
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Thanks 4 tha tip...i fixed it... oh and it's a metaphorical song as much as an imagery song...besides how would u feel if all of this happened to u... i doubt u would b saying praise God but then again u r more .... religiously ... inclined i guess than me.
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